Chapter 34

MARK

The rest of that day was fairly uneventful compared to the first half. The crowd of followers on the observation deck eventually dispersed. He asked Isabella to go make additional preparations among the rest of the pilots. Now it was only him, the Kadeshi girl, and Robert in front of the large monolith with the crimson crest of his clan. “He never told me anything of what happened between the two of you,” Mark began.

“It was probably for the best,” he replied. “It’s all ancient history now anyway. In short, he stole my love from me—your mother. She was the most beautiful and strong woman I ever met, but she chose him not me. I can’t fault my little brother for that, now can I?”

“I see. He never spoke of her either unless he was drunk enough.”

“There is a lot to tell. Her eyes were the same as yours, and her hair as smooth as silk. But cross that woman and you would witness a fury the likes of which you’d never seen before.”

“She sounds incredible,” Arazis added.

“She truly was,” Robert said. “Markus though, for so long he was such a crybaby over everything! I tried so many times to get him to harden up and grow. Took him some time, but ultimately that was something he had to find in himself on his own. I’ll keep in touch, but I think I’ll give the three of you some time alone,” he said turning to leave.

Once it was only him and Arazis standing in front of the headstone, he placed his palm on the crest. “Hey dad, uh, sorry for not visiting I guess.” He didn’t know if somewhere beyond Balcora’s Gate he could hear, but he needed to speak, more for himself than anyone else. “A lot’s happened on this trip so far, and there’s likely the hardest and most arduous parts still to come. I don’t show it, as you’ve taught me not to, but I’m scared, dad. I don’t know what I should be doing, really.” He went back to the last time they’d spoken. It was four days prior to Mothership launch. He asked his father to join him in the fighter testing, but his answer was that his place was on Kharak. “I didn’t understand why at the time, but I know now why you stayed behind. Please, dad, help us home. We need all the strength we can get. You’ve always been there for me when I truly needed it, even if I acted as though I didn’t want your help with anything. But man, I could really use it now.” With that he lowered his arm and took a couple steps backwards.

“I may not know him, but I’m sure he is proud of you, Mark.” She said. “I don’t have a relationship of any kind with my biological father. He abused and beat me, blaming me for my mother’s death on the day I was born. A priest adopted me, but Father Cial and I were diametric opposites of one another.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” he said.

“Don’t be. I was supposed to go visit my father in prison during last Harvest, but instead chose to see Cial, my actual parent, for the last time. Even before our last meeting, I knew it to be true. He’s old, very old. And tired.”

“I have another question, you don’t have to answer. Why are you here? I mean, visiting this dark and gloomy place.”

“You, mainly.”

“Why? You only met me yesterday and not on the best of terms, either.”

“You’re helping me. I want to help you too, you know. You appear to be probably the only one on this ship who understands me, and I feel I understand you as well. And I’m sad about what I see deep down. I know the look behind your smile. My closest friend was the same since his younger sister died. He was a happy and bubbly guy, and then…”

“It’s hard.”

“Saiin lost all faith in our protector in that moment learning of her death while we were on patrol only six months into our first cycle. He… he never shed a single tear over her in front of me. Perhaps he was incapable of it out of shock, I don’t know. The subject of her never came up again. I wanted to ask him about her all the time, but I knew what doing so would do to him. You’re the same, I think, inside. To be hurt so bad you can no longer experience pain.”

“Maybe, but if that’s the case, it only makes me stronger and more hardened. Something I’m surely going to need in the war ahead of us.”

“Perhaps,” she said reaching for his hand. “Don’t lose yourself to it, though. There’s no returning once you cross that point.”

“I fear I already have,” he said.

“No, you haven’t. If you had, I’d know. Believe me.” And then he began to cry. She hugged him, resting her face on his chest. “To feel is to be alive, there’s no shame in crying. Kadesh knows I have these last few days.”

ARAZIS

The two of them made their way to the barracks after about an hour longer at the cemetery. They came upon their destination and Mark knocked at the door. It was Isabella’s, and when she opened it and met eyes with her, the seething hatred was obvious.

“Come in,” she said. “So what’s up, you both look like you’ve been crying for the last hour or something.”

“I mean, mostly accurate,” he said.

“Good grief, Mark.”

“Yeah, sorry. First time I’ve been able to work myself up to visit my dad’s headstone.”

“Oh, okay then. I won’t make fun of you for that,” she said taking a seat on her bed. “Still though, you introduce him to her before me, and that hurts a bit.”

“Maybe someday. I have a request you’re not gonna like, though.”

“Oh boy.”

“She needs somewhere to stay.”

“Absolutely not.”

“Please.”

“No.”

“I need you to, she’s got nowhere to stay.”

“Mark, I know. I just don’t know if I can.”

“When have I ever asked for your help to this extent before?”

“Don’t guilt me!”

“I’m not trying to do that,” he said. “I’m not asking you to stop hating her. I’m asking you to give her somewhere to sleep.”

She stopped to mull over something in her brain. “Fine.”

“Serious?” He said.

“Yes! Whatever, man. I’ll let her crash here on the sofa until you can figure out something that’s not gonna make my life a living hell.”

“Thank you. I also hate to do this, but I’ve got quite a bit to do now today so should probably get going,” he said.

“Alright, just make sure to come back here when you’re done.”

“Can’t make any promises I’ll have time for that today, but I can try.” He motioned for the door, and took one last glance to Arazis. “Just try not to kill each other.”

And now the two were alone in the new room she’d be staying in for the time being.

“You’re staying on the couch,” she pointed. “No, it isn’t all that comfortable. No, I don’t want to hear complaining. And another hard no, don’t try being my friend. It’s not happening.”

“That’s fine, I don’t deserve your friendship. Think I’m stupid or something?” She spoke again after a long silence. “Just how much has he suffered?”

It came at first with no answer, but after considering it, she relied. “More than any of us can probably understand,” she said. “This is not even the first time he’s lost his entire old life, you know. Even long before Kharak. He was an adopted child of some southern Paktu farmers, as the Soban were barred from raising children without stripping themselves of their sigils. Sure, when that child is old enough one is able to rejoin without issue. It was simply that…”

“What?”

“His parents were warriors. Combat partners. There was always a war going on in that old desert at one time or other. They decided that to leave behind all their responsibilities to raise a child would have been impossibly hard to come to terms with, and so left him with near nothing to tell him who he actually was. After he became old enough, he found out what his adopted parents had been hiding from him, and decided to trek north across the great deserts all on his own. I am Manaan, our kiith are nomadic traders for the most part. And therefore know how treacherous that journey was for him to undertake. But he did it, he travelled across the entire planet north to find his true lineage.”

“I see.”

“So, because of how he came up in life, he sees all ties he makes as temporary and fleeting. I get it, I’m the same way. We tried a relationship early on in this voyage, but agreed not to pursue it in a serious way. Neither of us are great at love, friendship, companionship, and in order not to cause each other further pain, broke it off officially. I’m probably his closest friend at this moment, but honestly half the time I can barely read him at all. He’s helping you because he feels a deep need, I get that. I’m not going to convince him not to, I won’t be able to anyway.”

“I’m not evil or cruel, by the way. Just a pilot doing what she had to.”

“I know, kid.”

“I know you don’t give a damn, but I am deeply sorry. Saiin and I made a similar agreement, not for too dissimilar reasons either. I thought I’d seen the most hollow a man can be inside his heart, but Mark, I don’t know. It hurts me, knowing that nice and attractive smile of his is entirely a fake.”

“You get used to it,” she said. “I’m just glad Jasiid’s back aboard, he needs him for what’s to come.”

“Who?”

“The technical expert from the salvage corvette that picked you up. They met each other in training long ago, back on Kharak. He’s the geeky-looking guy who was doing the actual work behind our little broadcast.”

“Oh,” she said.

“Look, if you really want to know about Mark, then get up.” She was standing in front of the door. She was curious, and so followed her out. She led her to the elevators and picked a floor far to the top section of the vessel.

“Where are we going?”

“I haven’t even told Mark they’re here, I just don’t know how that would mess with him when I need him in perfect focus.” She did not answer the question, but figured all would be revealed soon enough.

The deck that they stopped at opened to a brightly lit and wide open hydroponics farm. They walked for a while, what felt like ten minutes, before coming upon a small home. Isabella walked up to the door and gave it a knock.”

When the door opened, the woman standing in front of them gave Isabella a hug. “Come on in,” she said.

“Hi there Lise.”

“Do you want anything? Coffee? Tea?”

“No thanks.”

“And what about you, dear? Don’t worry, I know you’re not Kushan.”

“No thank you.” She replied. “Is it that easy to tell?”

“Oh obviously so. If the hair didn’t give you away your skin tone definitely does,” she said. “You’re pale as a ghost!”

“I’m sure you can guess why we’re here,” Isabella said taking a seat at the table.

“How is he these days?” The woman asked.

“Better than we can expect of him, actually. I’m sure you saw his broadcast.”

“I did, yes.”

“And?”

She took a deep sigh. “Elmer—I mean, Mark, sorry, he’s special you know.”

Another younger woman came into the room to see who it was. “Ma, who—oh hey, it’s you. And you brought one of them.”

“Where’s little Ellen?”

“We had to put her in stasis, things are just too dangerous now and we decided not to have her experience all this at such a young age,” she said.

“That is probably for the best, yes. Lise, Janet, this is Arazis. Arazis, meet the only family Mark has left.”