Experiences by Blink

Published on Kiith Iopia on the 21 August 2001

The following is an excerpt from a Taiidanii Republic news service following the release of a Kushanii prisoner of war after Republican forces captured the planet he was imprisoned upon.

***Experiences of a Kushanii prisoner of war***

I have been told that there is no sound in space. But when the power fails and the lights go out and all you can hear is the air screaming from the gashes in your hull, and panic grips you by the throat, you would swear that space is nothing but sound - a cold hollow sound that few live to tell about. I am one of those unlucky few. Why unlucky you ask? Because every time I venture out into that black void, I have to suppress the fear and break the grip of paranoia that rises up to choke me. Never have I nor will I be able to travel through space again without the hate, the fear - all the things that turn one into an animal - being right there with me….at least not since that fateful day. And yet I must go. I am compelled to venture out, because out there, is my family. So you can see the dichotomy of my situation.

The fateful day…? I knew you would ask about that. It seems everyone has been interested in my stories as of late - the stories of a prisoner of war, well former prisoner of war anyway. I can't say exactly how long ago it was, but just before the start of the rebellion, I was a member of the crew of a vessel called the Kar-Selim. Ever heard of her? I am not surprised. Hopefully the Kushan have not forgotten her though. She was the vessel sent out ten years ahead of the mothership so that someone would be around when the mothership hyperspaced in, you know to help fix any last minute problems. It was a beautiful sight … seeing her pass through the blue hyperspace window. But I am getting ahead of myself. As I was saying, I was aboard the Kar-Selim. Well we had been sitting around the rendezvous point for a while preparing for the mother ship's arrival when we had a little run in with some micro-meteors. They smashed up one of the sensor arrays on the vessel and the captain asked me to go out and fix it up. The Kar-Selim was too old to have any of those little repair bots that you have today. And since I was along to help fix up the mothership - well you get the idea. Little did I know that some of your friends were out there... No no no, they weren't Taiidan they were Turanic Raiders. Yes I know you didn't know anything about the military's interactions with them! Just let me get back to the story! Anyhow, I was out there working on the array when the first hit comes. It is one of those things you see in slow motion as it happens. The weapons fire as it rakes across the ship… the explosion moving toward you and then BAM! The impact threw me off the ship. I was tethered on so I didn't float too far. It was both good and bad in a way. I wasn't floating in the void of space, at least not alone… instead I was attached to a burning ship. Despite the obvious danger I started to pull myself back into the airlock I was tethered to. My arms felt weak as I inched toward the open hatch, I was soaked in a cold sweat. I can remember that as soon as I got inside I began to cower in a corner…. No, I did try to enter in the ship but my limbs couldn't carry me any further. There was a window nearby from which I could view the interior, but I couldn't bring myself to look through it. I could hear the shriek of metal as the supports struggled to maintain their shape under the constant pounding from our attackers. At one point one of the fighters must have strafed nearby because I could hear the air squeal as it was sucked out into space. Immediately after, one of the crew was blown against the window of the airlock. I couldn't help but stare at her face as her body decompressed. Mercifully the power failed and all went black.

But the sounds didn't stop. In fact they became more oppressive than ever. At every noise I expected to die…. I accepted, shakily, that my life was over. My thoughts went to my wife who was in cryo sleep, preparing for the journey to Hiigara. With my mind on her my fear subsided. Eventually my eyes adjusted to the dim light coming from the still open hatch that led out into space, and I decided that I was going to look my death in the face. I crawled back out.

The sight was horrible. The Kar-Selim was blown nearly in two. I could see where the collapsible hyperwave communications antenna had been blown off. Even if the captain had tried to communicate with Kharak, there was no way that the message could have been sent. I watched as a few Turranic fighters continued to strafe the hull. Every once in a while they would hit a pocket of air still trapped in the ship and a white puff would escape from the hole… What was it? You mean the white puffs? I think moisture freezing as it hit the coldness of space. Anyhow, I can remember watching all of this, wondering if I was the only member of the crew still alive. I saw an explosion near the front of the vessel and then a secondary explosion blew the hatch I was tethered to. Again I was thrown off the ship but this time with no hope of getting back. I can't remember much after that, just some emotions and brief images really. Panic. Fear. I remember trying to keep sight of the Kar-Selim because that was the only thing that seemed to keep the fear at bay, but it was difficult. I was spinning all around and it was very hard to keep oriented. The wild gyrations I was going through only made the panic that much harder to fight back. My mind kept telling me this was it - I was going to die. But I knew it wasn't going to be the quick death I had hoped for. Instead I would be left floating alone in space, waiting for my air to run out - knowing that death was not far away, but unable to do anything about it. It was no way to go. I don't know how many times during that brief period I wished that I had died onboard the Kar-Selim. And as the inevitability of my situation dawned upon me, my panic grew. My suit felt like a coffin, it weighed down upon me, seemingly crushing me. I couldn't think. My brain was a cauldron of fleeting thoughts and images. In this state I eventually passed out.

When I came to I was still in my suit but I was being towed back to a large ship far off in the distance by some sort of smaller craft. I stupidly tried yanking on the tether that attached me to the alien ship, like there was anywhere to go, but the tether was too strong. I eventually gave up and simply watched as the larger vessel slowly grew closer… No, I am not sure what type of ship it was. I think it may have been a Lord class carrier, but you have to remember it was the first time I had ever seen a vessel of that type, not to mention that I was in a state of shock. I had just seen all of my crewmates die and the ship I spent the last ten years on destroyed. My mind wasn't really working. I do remember being suddenly bathed in blue light. I was able to turn my head quickly enough to faintly see a blue 'window' disappearing behind what looked like a huge ship - the mothership I realized later. But at the moment my mind was so numb it simply recorded the event without so much as a hint of recognition. And before the hyperspace window even closed the craft I was tethered to rocketed forward. Within a few seconds the mothership was out of sight. Later, once I realized what had happened, I thought for sure the mothership would have detected us, and maybe they did… I don't know to this day. After being towed to the large Turranic vessel I was thrown in what appeared to be an airlock. They didn't interrogate me, at least not right away. The airlock had a window on its exterior door and from this vantage point I was able to see that the ship was moving. Every once in a while a few fighters would take off. I thought we were leaving the area but it turns out the Raiders had decided to attack the mothership. Perhaps they felt the mothership would be easy prey, just as the Kar-Selim had been. I watched for what seemed like hours as the Raiders and my brethren fought it out. Several times the action drew dangerously close to the Turranic vessel. I fervently hoped that somehow this battle would result in my rescue, but that wish never came true. Eventually the Raiders decided they had had enough. They fled and they took me with them. Up to that point I still had a sense of belonging - that I was still a part of something… a family, a race. But after the Raiders escaped that feeling vanished. I was alone - more alone then than I have ever been. I wept for a long time.

Great sorrow usually brings deep sleep but not so for me. My sleep was restless and riddled with disturbing images. To this day I am still plagued with nightmares of being sucked out into space. I could not, and cannot still, imagine a fate worse than decompression. The Turranic Raiders only made it worse. They tried to interrogate me several times over the next few days and when I was unable to give them the answers they wanted they would open the airlock door ever so slightly. It was always the same, the deafening howl as the air began to race out, me pounding on the inner airlock door, screaming, begging to be let out, only to be slowly drug towards the black abyss on the other side by the escaping air. The Raiders would always close the door before I was in too much danger. My performance seemed to amuse them to no end, and they didn't want their fun sucked into space. Afterwards I would sit terrified, my back to the inner airlock door, my mind constantly imagining the outer door opening and me being blown into space.

This went on for days. Eventually the Turranic's must have run into the Taiidan fleet that destroyed Kharak…. No, I didn't know that Kharak had been destroyed until I was released from prison. You can imagine the shock… I still grieve for my Kiith that remained on Kharak. Anyhow, I don't think I was given to the Taiidan until after it was over. It turns out that the Kushan fleet ran into them just after I had been sent to the planet of N'gatmos, were I was imprisoned until the rebellion occurred and I was released. From what I understand the Taiidan fleet was completely destroyed.

What was prison like? It depends on if we want to talk about prison life in general or my own experience. I don't think I could tell you what it was like for most of the others in there. Since I was unique to the prison - being the only Kushan there - it was quite a bit different for me. You see, in prison you need friends, and without friends things can get pretty rough. Thankfully I was secluded for most of my stay. As a prisoner of war my captors took much more interest in me than they did most of the other prisoners and because of that I was protected in a way. As long as I stayed interesting I was safe. But at first I didn't feel like I had much to live for. So being safe wasn't a high priority in my mind. I would often get into fights with the few prisoners I came into contact with and usually over the littlest things. Getting hurt was the only way I knew I was still alive.

There was one prisoner I fought on a regular basis, a Turranic. I don't know if I liked it as much as it gave me satisfaction. I had developed a healthy hate for their kind. The first time I saw him he had his back to me as I was being escorted toward my cell. I don't remember exactly why I did it, but before I realized what I was doing, I had rushed and tackled him. The guards dragged me off before I could land any blows, but from that day forward I tried to get to him at every opportunity. I embodied in him all the characteristics I had come to hate in the Raiders. And he, for the most part, did nothing to sway my opinion. I can remember one instance very clearly. I was in the exercise yard, and the Turranic came up to me. He began to taunt me, trying to instigate some sort of reaction. There was a shock fence between us, because as a political prisoner I was not allowed to mingle with the general population. They had their exercise yard and I had mine. Between the separate portions ran what we called a shock fence. Basically it is an electrified fence. If you touched it, the shock would throw you off your feet but it wouldn't kill you. The first time I touched it I felt like I had been hit by a transport bus. Anyhow, the Turranic began to taunt me - you know, the basic stuff. You're as ugly as an N'gatmian whore, things like that. He knew that I couldn't get to him and he wanted to get me as angry about that as possible. It was easy to ignore him at first because I knew that reacting would only be giving him what he wanted. So I simply looked at him, trying in vain to stare him down. The fence seemed to give him confidence as he continued his verbal assault and he leaned forward, his face only a half an arm's length from my own. Even though I was angry I knew there was nothing I could do and so I decided to walk away. Just as I was about to turn he said - and I remember this vividly - he said "By now your wife is either dead or serving in a Turranic lord's pleasure palace." I know I didn't think, I simply reacted. When I came to I found myself about ten feet from the fence. The Turranic was laying on his back about the same distance away, guards rushing toward him. I was taken to the infirmary and only there did I begin to learn what had happened. My right hand was bandaged because of burns, burns that matched the pattern of a particular shock fence. I still have the scars if you want to see them. I later learned from one of the prisoners who worked in the infirmary, who had heard it from a friend of a friend - if you can really call anyone in prison your friend - that I had thrown a punch at the Turranic. My hand, of course, hit the shock fence but the fence was not very rigid and the force of the punch had been enough to reach the Turranic on the other side. Though the blow by that point had nothing on it, the fence touched the turranic's face and sent him flying. That hurt him ten times more than any punch I could ever have landed on him.

After that I became somewhat of a minor legend in the prison. Most of the other prisoners thought I was crazy or mean or a mixture of both. A reputation like that is invaluable. However, my actions did have a down side. I was thrown in solitary for a week. It was a small price to pay, but it gave me more time to think than I wanted. For the longest time I wondered how the Raider had known I had a wife. News does travel fast in prison but there was no way anyone could have known. I came up with all kinds of theories, of course, but I don't think I will every really know. And then I thought about my wife, and my repressed loneliness returned in full force. I knew I had to get out as soon as possible. In my mind, the longer I was in prison, the less of a chance I would have to find her should I ever get out.

I did try to escape once. In fact it would have been successful had I been able to overcome my fear of space. You see, the best way to escape in prison is to establish a routine. Everything about prison life is routine. So if you are able to do something you aren't supposed to be doing routinely, then even the guards won't question it. In fact they will expect you to be doing it. Kind of ironic, isn't it? Anyhow, I was required to help clean the prison barges after the delivery of new prisoners. It was nasty work, but it allowed me to get outside a little bit. At first I was under constant surveillance, but after a while the guards grew lax. In fact I passed up a few riskier chances to escape just to reinforce the routine and hopefully show that there was no threat of me escaping. It must have worked because eventually only a few guards were required to escort the few prisoners to clean the barges. Every once in a while I would stay behind after the other prisoners had been escorted away to do one last inspection to make sure everything was clean. Just making sure I had done a good job, right? This would allow me to get out of the guards' line of site for brief periods of time. After a couple of months it got to the point where the guards would just leave and allow me to finish and then let me back in. After all, there was only one entrance and exit from the landing area and the barges were always inspected for stowaways before departure. Finally, the day I had been waiting for arrived. N'gatmos was receiving a load of Taiidanii Republic POWs… Yes, we knew of the civil war in the prison. In fact, from my infrequent interrogations I had even gathered that the Kushan were causing quite a stir in the galaxy. This only gave me renewed hope of finding my wife and returning to my kith…. No, I don't know how long the war had been going on before I was released I only knew that I had the unlucky fortune of being on one of the planets loyal to the emperor. Anyhow, the POWs had been brought in on two prison barges. After we cleaned the first one the guards inspected it and pronounced it clear to depart. But apparently the first barge wasn't going to leave until the second one was also ready to go. This is where the routine paid off. Once again I was left behind to do a last minute spot check on the second barge while the guards marched the rest of the prisoners back to their cells. While they were gone I snuck aboard the first barge and stowed away in the cargo hold. The guards then returned, inspected the second barge for stowaways and then gave it clearance to leave - never bothering to check the first one again. It wasn't an elaborate plan but it worked. The barges began their ascent into space. The cargo hold was pitch blacks, and cramped. This environment began to work on my nerves, bringing back memories of my imprisonment in the airlock on the Turranic ship and of my short time drifting away from the Kar-Selim. I tried to make myself focus on where I really was, but my memories were too strong. The sudden hiss of air made me think the hold was decompressing. I panicked. I later learned that the hiss came from an air duct that ran just over my head.

When they pulled me from the cargo hold I was too shaken to stand. Even the guards beating me with their stanchons had no effect. My prison uniform was soaked in sweat, my hands bleeding from the merciless pounding I bestowed upon on the cargo hold door in my frantic attempt to escape. Some of the blood vessels in my eyes had burst giving them a dark hue. I was in the infirmary for two weeks with stress sickness. When I was released I received the punishment for attempted escape by a POW - thirty strikes with a ligor pole and a week in solitary. Being a POW does have its privileges though, as the punishment for attempted escape by a normal prisoner was death.

The prison I was in seemed to suddenly become more of a place to put those who disagreed with the empire than those who actually committed crimes. More POWs arrived weekly. From them the rest of us were able to learn what was happening in the war. I say 'us' because even though I am not a Taiidanii I was a POW, and that seemed to be the only thing that mattered. In fact, I was the only Kushanii most of the other POWs had ever seen, but my race only seemed to elevate my status. I was later to learn from the POWs that the Kushan had killed the emperor in a battle over Hiigara and so those of my race were looked upon as heroes.

No, my release was not very dramatic, though I doubt I will ever forget it. I remember there was an air of expectancy in the prison. The last news we had heard was that Republican forces were approaching our sector of space. For days we listened to the sounds of an unusual amount of activity from the nearby spaceport. Then one day there was a strange silence. That silence seemed to pervade the prison. I can remember among the POWs only whispers were exchanged. We wouldn't allow our excitement to show even when the second shift of prison guards failed to show up for fear that it was some elaborate trick. We went without meals. Then - it must have been just before lights out usually occurs - we heard a strange thudding sound. It was very deep, almost more vibration than sound. There was a short span of silence, and then another dull thud was heard. The next one was louder, causing dust to fall from the ceiling. I could hear some whispers among some of the other POWs in the adjacent cell. One of them conjectured that the Republic was proceeding with an orbital bombardment. All the other prisoners seemed to know what that meant, but I, never having fought in a war before had to ask. I was told that an orbital bombardment usually proceeds orbital insertion - an invasion. I was overjoyed. We listened all through the night - even long after the apparent bombardment had ceased - imagining … hoping for our rescue. Some of the other POWs, those that had actually fought for the Republic, calculated that if there were no underground or fortified Imperial garrisons on N'gatmos then we would be freed within days. Otherwise we could be stuck here for quite some time. That statement caused a bit of gloom to fall upon our hopeful outlook. The longer it took, the greater the risk of starvation. Some of the species in this prison could not lost long without food.

But that day did come soon, despite the fact that there was a small, fortified imperial base on the planet. We cheered as our rescuers released us cell by cell. I did have to undergo a brief interrogation by the Republican forces after my release. They appeared very surprised to find a Kushanii prisoner of war. Once they were done they sent me speedily on my way to Republic-controlled space. I had to be admitted to the medical bay on the evacuation vessel because of my phobia of space. It was so bad that they were forced to strap me down. But I did make it here…

And now what am I to do? … Hopefully somebody, somehow, will get me to Hiigara. You know anybody like that?

Readers Note: Ceeric Manaan, the teller of this story, was given over to the Kushan in a POW exchange one week later. It is unknown if he ever located his wife.