Chapter 14

The Cooksdale Police Station was thriving with activity, due to the recent gang warfare that sprung up. Detective Tracy was already interrogating the football players that were busted near the Tenhauser Park.

"So," Tracy said, pacing up and down the Integration room with a loosely worn tie and an unbuttoned suit jacket, "Do you know Jake Riesstiu?"

"Yeah," the football player said, slumped in the chair.

"Where is he now," the Detective asked.

"Hell if I know," the football said, "and even if I did, why would I tell you?"

"Because I can drop the charges of attempted murder against you," Tracy said.

"Come on," the football player said, "I'm not going to rat out the most popular guy in school."

"Do you know what you sound like? This is you," Tracy said, lifting up a puppet from, seemingly, out of nowhere, which looked exactly like the football player.

"I don't want to rat out my friend," Tracy said, in a poor attempt in ventriloquism, "I'd rather be in the slammer for five years."

Tracy lifted up a puppet that looked exactly like him from seemingly nowhere, and made it face the football player puppet, making him say, "You're a very stupid kid, you know that."

The football player was mysteriously replaces with a puppet that looked like a cross between J-Lo and Brittany Spears.

"Oh, Detective Tracy," Tracy made the woman puppet say to the Detective Tracy puppet, "you are so sexy. I want to have legal and legitimate pre-marital intercourse with you, because you are such a great Police Officer."

"Well, Cindy," he made the Tracy puppet say, "I'd love to do that, but I am already seeing somebody of unparalleled beauty, who loves me for the hard working Detective that I am."

The insane puppet show ensued, as the football player looked at the Detective get hideously carried away with a blank expression on his face.

Meanwhile, all with all the Police roadblocks in place, out heroes have a slightly harder task to accomplish: rescue Jessica without getting arrested.

Dan was crouching in the bushes, wearing an army helmet, with ferns sticking out of it. He observed the pigs standing around their precious roadblock. The bridge of sighs was a four lane wide bridge, which had three traffic barricades set across the road.

He took out his binoculars, and watched as police officers paced back and forth in front of their barricades, nearly tauntingly. Three cars were there, with their siren lights flashing about brightly. The police were clad in uniform, with orange coloured high-visibility vests overtop of them.

Dan took out a radio, and spoke into it.

"We've get ten pigs, three piggy-mobiles, and three pig barricades," he said into his radio, using his clever and creative code words, which could only be deciphered by the best of cryptographers.

The guys back in the RV heard every word of Dan's cryptic transmission, and began to gear up.

"Iron duke, this is base," the radio that Dan was holding said, "copy that. Report back to base for further instructions."

Dan slowly got up out of the bushes, and trotted over to the RV, and opened up the door. The others, clad in fatigues, looked over to Dan, and began to strategize.

"So," Derek said, "Ten cops are guarding the roadblock. How in the hell do we get across the roadblock?

"Well," Bob said, "we could swim across the water."

"No," Sean said, "that would give us away, and the cops will be all over us like a straight man over J-Lo."

They sat and thought, planning on how this would work.

"Maybe," Derek said, "we could have a distraction."

The guys thought, but shook their heads and said no.

After about ten minutes, the guys decided that they were wasting time, and just went with a plan that they crafted on the way to the bridge.

On the bridge, officers paced about in a bored manner. They were deceived with all the propaganda that COPS forced on them. Being a police officer wasn't action packed all the time, and they were almost never pursuing dangerous subjects, like in RealTV. They usually watched that show to see near-fatal injury and stupid people do stupid things, but the police videos really deceived them.

Suddenly, they saw and RV pull up, and the Police began to walk towards it, and wave it to a stop. The RV stopped with a squeak of the brakes, and jerked back as it halted. The Police walked towards it, with their flashlights out. An officer walked towards the door, and told him to roll down the window.

The window rolled down, and the officer didn't see anyone there. He shined his flashlight in the dark and seemingly empty cabin of the RV, to see nobody inside.

"This one's empty," the officer yelled out. All of the police there surrounded the RV, ready for a surprise.

An officer took out a radio from his belt, and said, "Attention all units, we've got an abandoned Recreational Vehicle on the bridge of sighs, which contains a barricaded suspect."

Sergeant Bacon, the officer in charge of that particular roadblock, took out his megaphone and spoke into it.

"You have 1 minute to surrender, and walk out of the RV slowly, with your hands up," he said, augmented by the microphone.

The officers waited on minute, than drew their pistols and flashlights, held them in the classic cross-fashion, and aimed at the RV. Two officers stood by the side entrance to the RV, and breached the lock with a single shot from their pistols. They tore the door open, and ran in, with their flashlights illuminating the entire area.

"Freeze, Police," one of the officers yelled. They searched around the RV, with their flashlights pointing every which direction.

"Oh, you dirty, dirty man," the two officers heard a voice say, "get your finger out of there."

"Oh, don't worry, silly buns," another voice said, "that's not my finger. The two officers looked at each other, disturbed by their discovery.

"I won't tell the Serge, if you won't tell the Serge," one of the Officers said.

"Done," the other officer said, with a nod.

The two officers walked out of the RV, with their weapons holstered, and their flashlights away.

"Uhh, it's clear, Serge," one Officer said.

"Yeah, must be one of those ghost cars," the other officer said.

Suddenly, David, Sean and Brandon ran out of the RV, at full speed. The officers took out their flashlights and pistols, and began to yell at the three. The trio of teens picked up the Police Barricades, and threw them to the sides of the street. As the Police began to converge on Sean, David and Brandon, the three were already sprinting towards the RV in a panicked rush. The officers in front of the RV were shocked to see the lights in and on the RV light up, and they ran out of the way. The RV's engine roared to life, as the trio sprinted towards it. They jumped on the vehicle hopped in as it gained speed.

As the RV charged passed the roadblock and Crown Victorias with Police Decals pasted all over them, as Police officers reassembled, and scrambled into their cars, turning on their sirens and emergency lights. They chased the RV across the bridge, and raced after the RV in hot pursuit, with sirens wailing and red and blue emergency lights flashing. Bobby looked at the pursuing Police cars, and grew beads of sweat on his forehead, trying to evade the Police.

"This is Sergeant Bacon, in pursuit of a tan coloured recreational vehicle," Bacon said into his car's radio.

Bobby turned the RV down one street near the residential district, and saw two Police cars come from in front of him. The RV screeched to a park, and the Crown Victoria Police Cars surrounded the RV. Police piled out of their cars, and drew their weapons.

"Oh shit," Dan cursed, as he looked at the Police surround the RV.

"Get out of the vehicle with your hands up," Sergeant Bacon yelled, pointing his shotgun at the RV, as other officers took their positions.

Officers were using their patrol cars as cover, as they took aim. Red and blue emergency lights flashed everywhere, and headlights lit up the area.

"Get out of the vehicle now," the Sergeant yelled.

To the officers' surprise, a large black man appeared from seemingly nowhere, holding a microphone which was hooked up to very loud speakers in the RV, which made the RV rock in a motion that made it look like it was dancing. That black man was Sir Mix Allot, and he began singing his (in)famous song with his … "unique" voice.

Sir Mix Allot: I like big butts,

And I cannot lie.

You other brothers can't deny.

When a girl walks in,

With an itty-bitty waist,

And round thing in your face,

You get sprung!

The Police officers looked at each other in confusion, but decided to keeping aiming at Sir Mix Allot.

Sir Mix Allot: Wana pull up tough,

Because you notice that butt with stuff.

Even the G she's wearing.

I'm hooked and can't stop staring.

Oh baby,

I wanna get wit'cha

And take your pic'cha

My home boys tried to warn me,

But that butt you've got makes …

"Me so horny," A curvy black woman in a night robe and slippers said, standing on a front lawn, and also holding a microphone.

When the Police looked over to her, they noticed that a group of people in night robes and slippers was forming, and they were dancing to the music. The officers surveyed the situation, and were holding their pistols in their hands, as opposed to aiming them. They began to form into a group from their surrounding of the RV, and than they looked back at Sir Mix Allot, who kept singing.

Sir Mix Allot: Ooh,

Rump that smooth skin,

You say you wana get in my Benz?

Use me, Use me,

Cause you ain't that average groupie.

The Police looked over at the huge crowd of people in pajamas form, and they all danced, forming a mosh pit. The Police went in-between two Police Crown Victorias, and stood there, treating the crowd as suspects, as the Police were the ones who were surrounded. They noticed the curvy women dancing, and noticing that this has become a huge street party.

Sir Mix Allot: I see her dancing,

To hell with romancing,

She's sweatin'

Wet,

Got it going like a turbo vette'

I'm tired of magazines,

Saying flat butt's all the thing.

Can the average Black man last that lack?

She's got to pack much back.

Sir Mix Allot walked over to the Police, with his Microphone still in his hand singing to them

Sir Mix Allot: So,

Fellas!

Police: (yelling, with fists put in the air) Yeah!

Sir Mix Allot: Fellas!

Police: Yeah!

Sir Mix Allot: Does your girlfriend got the butt?

Police: Hell yeah!

Sir Mix Allot: Tell her to shake it!

Police: shake it!

Sir Mix Allot: shake it!

Police: shake it!

Sir Mix Allot: Shake that healthy butt!

Baby got back!

The Police dropped their weapons, and stood up on their Police Crown Victorias and began shaking their butts in the direction of the large mosh pit. The ladies cheered and howled in praise of the subverted Police.

Dan and his posse jumped out of the RV windows, one by one and bodysurfed to their escape from the situation, which started off as weird, and became extremely freakish. Once they got away from the mosh pit, they began to run towards the High school, while the street party was throbbing.