Chapter 7
"Jessica's out there defenceless and alone," the panicked and frantic Mrs. Flirtly said, "I depended Jake's strength to protect her, but now it's being used against her. Just make sure she's okay, Lieutenant."
"Everything will be fine, ma'am," Lieutenant Shrank, of the Oregon State Police, said, reassuringly, "State patrols have been advised, and if he did exit Cooksdale county, we can find him."
"But my child is out there alone and captive by her own boyfriend," Mrs. Flirtly said, bawling and being motherly frantic, "I want my Jessica to be safe!"
"Ma'am," Lieutenant Shrank said, "please, she'll be fine."
"It's going to be okay, honey," Mr. Flirtly said, hugging his crying wife, "just let the Lieutenant do his job."
"Why is the State Police doing this," she yelled, crying, "shouldn't this be a job for the FBI? I want my child home now!"
"Listen, lady," Lieutenant Shrank said, "I'm a police officer, not a freaking magician. But, I do know a few tricks."
Lieutenant Shrank, thank reached over towards Mrs. Flirtly, and presented a rose, as if it disappeared from nowhere. Mrs. Flirtly instantly snapped out of her depression, and clapped. Lieutenant Shrank, than, pulled a rabbit from his Police cap. Jessica's parents began clapping and cheering at the Lieutenant's Magic tricks.
"Okay, for my next trick, I'm going to need a volunteerβ¦"
Meanwhile, Dan's car and Edward's car drove into the Garden, while easily dodging the trees and such. No one knew why it was called the Garden. It seemed more like a huge forest.
Suddenly, they saw the forest up ahead with red and white lights illuminating the area.
The lights were little containers of candles, which were made up of, primarily, red or white coloured glass. They were hung from branches of trees, and spun around at slowly, giving a creepy but cool effect of illumination.
It was a very majestic sight.
The guys were awestruck, except Derek.
"Guys," Derek said, "do you know what those lamps mean? That means there are people around here. Maybe Ben Tusi is right."
Edward and Dan, ignoring Derek, got out of the car with awe glowing on their faces. David, Sean and Brandon got out of their car, as well, and began to look around the place.
There were all sorts of pretty flowers, fruits, and vegetables growing around the trees.
"So this is why they call it the 'Garden.'" Dan said.
Sean picked and apple that was growing from one of the trees.
Sean looked at the apple, and it was perfect. Dark red, not a single bruise or bump.
Sean looked around, first, and took a nervous bite out of the apple. It was divine, the best tasting apple he had ever eaten. He could also say it was the best tasting food he had eaten as well. Sean let out a loud, satisfying "mm" sound.
"Guys," Sean yelled out with enthusiasm, "these apples are awesome!"
The guys began to sample other foods growing there. The foods were incredible, and completely divine, the best food in the world, probably.
"Guys," the most practical and least sensitive Derek said, "you shouldn't eat those! They could be poisoned, or something. Ben Tusi wouldn't lie to us, we have to get moving."
"Shut up, Derek," Brandon said, "this stuff is awesome."
"Well," Derek said, "the spinning lights around here make it hard see anything in the distance, and my night vision is having trouble compensating!"
"Somebody call the waaaaaaahmbulance." David said, mockingly, than continued to eat.
"Guys," Derek said, "I don't know if it's the spinning lights that are scrambling my vision, but it looks like we've got company."
Derek was right, He saw a vague silhouette of a man, walking towards them.
The guys looked up from there eating, and guy, in all of his β¦ nakedness.
"Damn," Dan yelled, as he covered his eyes.
"Who the hell is going to be the ambassador?" Brandon yelled asking.
The guys quickly grouped up, and have a freakishly quick and efficient Rock Paper Scissors competition.
Derek, again, lost. He walked towards the Naked man, disgusted at his clothe less body.
"This is the Garden β¦ of PETA," the man said, "and for a few weeks, we have protected it from the β¦ the omnivores."
"But aren't there bears around here? Hey, look at the bear by the river, he's probably going to eat a fish, or something."
"Naw," the PETA zealot said, "that's just Winnie the Pooh."
He looked over at the yellow bear, harmlessly eating honey like that fatass he his. He peers over at the river, and suddenly jumps into it, leaving his jar of honey behind. He tears apart a salmon, with fish guts flying everywhere.
"Look," Derek said, "He just killed that fish!"
"Well," the PETA guy said, "he's an exception."
"Why," Derek asked. The PETA guy responded by pointing at Winnie.
Christopher Robin walked over, and greeted Winnie. Winnie greeted him back. By "greeted him back," I mean he jumped on Christopher Robin's face, and clawed it apart, while Christopher ran about screaming. Winnie continued to maul the hapless boy to death.
"Holy crap," Derek burst.
"You have distracted us from acting the way humans were meant to," the PETA guy said, "It is more natural for humans to live in the wilderness, than in an Urban environment.
"So," Derek said, confused, "your saying that it's more natural for humans to act like animals, than it is for humans to act like humans?
The PETA guy paused, as he knew that Derek had easily found a chink in the armour of zealously and overall idiocy of PETA's continually failed campaigns. The PETA guy's mind was completely warped.
"Shut up," The PETA guy barked, "Brethren, release the Tarantulas!"
Derek's eyes widened with fear.
"Oh crap!" Derek yelled, "Spiders!"
He ran back to the parked cars, where the guys stood, wielding mag-lights, and baseball bats.
"Keep 'em peeled, boys" Dan said in a commanding tone.
As the tarantulas crawled their way to the guys, the guys began to smash them with their baseball bats and mag-lights.
The tarantulas did not stand a chance. It basically became a one hit; one kill type of battle, and the odds were in the favour of Dan's posse.
As soon as all of the tarantulas were squished, Dan's posse smirked and chuckled at the PETA zealots.
The PETA zealot than took out another cage full of tarantulas, and set them free. The furry spider swarmed their way to Dan's posse.
The group began to squish the furry horrors, but the spiders began to crawl at their feet. Sean hit one spider that was on his foot with so much force, he cried out loud like a sissy.
The guys yelled as they killed the spiders on their feet. They became even more panicked as the spiders crawled up their pants. The desperately hit their legs, bruising it unnecessarily, trying to kill those damned spiders.
As soon as the majority of spiders were killed, the guys were seriously considering getting the hell out of the Garden.
"Guys," Derek said, "let's get out of here."
All of the guys quickly rushed to their respective cars. Dan hopped in the driver's seat, slammed the door quickly, and up the keys in the car.
He turned they keys, and heard the engine. Good, the engine was starting.
Dan was relieved for one split second until he realised that the engine was struggling to start, but to no avail.
Dan turned the key again, flooring the gas as the engine was struggling that time, but the car still refused to start.
Dan decided to floor the gas, than turn the key. He did so, but the engine was struggling, but refused to co-operate.
Dan, frustrated, leaned back in his chair. He looked out of the window, and saw that the PETA zealot was releasing another cage full of spiders.
"Guys!" Dan yelled, "Get out of the car and hold off the spiders!"
The guys rushed out of the car in a nervous fashion, and began to smash the spiders with their melee weapons. Brandon and David joined them, and began to squish the hell-born invertebrates.
David screamed as a crap-load of hairy spiders began crawling all over him. He did the "stop, drop, and roll" routine, and managed to squish all the spiders.
The spiders were crawling up the legs of the rest of the guys, and the guys had to hit their legs to kill the spiders.
A few spiders made it up past the knees of the guys, making them scream louder, and hit their legs even more times, causing more unneeded bruises.
"Hurry the hell up!" Derek yelled at Dan in disparity.
Dan still struggled to start the car with the utmost urgency. He had to get out of the garden full of whacked out, zealot, crazy, naked PETA freaks. Pressed hard on the gas, and turned the key while whispering, "please, please," in a chant, as if it were a prayer.
After that failed attempt, he looked down at the pedals. There was a spider crawling around the pedals. Dan had a sadistic smile tug at his lips, and he squished the spider, with satisfying goo squirting out of the spineless creature as it was crushed.
Dan than realised what was going on outside, and he looked at his friends yelping and crying while hitting at their legs with baseball bats, looking like a group of idiots.
Dan laughed at his friends, not realising the full scope of the situation. Suddenly, he felt something furry and with a lot of legs crawl up his leg. Dan than got a mag-light, and began to smash at his own legs. The spider quickly crawled up his knee, and headed quickly to his groin. Dan hit his legs with the mag-light, bruising himself, but ignoring the pain. He suddenly hit himself right in the crotch, making his eyes widen in pain, and his face go stiff and pale. Dan crushed the spider with his fist, and let out a few choked breaths due to his hurt glands.
"DAN!" One of the guys yelled.
Dan rolled down his window, than yelled out "I'm trying the best I can," in a voice that was three octaves higher than normal.
Dan turned the eyes, and slammed on the breaks one more time, in hope of starting it.
At last, the car's engine came to life, which was greeted with a cheer from Dan.
The naked PETA idiots, failing, yet again, ran away, into the creepiness of the woods.
The guys made a break for it, and piled into their cars.
"Oh," Edward sighed, as he sat down in the shotgun seat, and closed the door, "thank god that's over. Stupid PETA zealot dumb asses, I never want to see another damn PETA zealot in my entire life! And Spiders? What the hell? They're nuts! Those furry little bastards were crawling up my leg, and that was a god-awful feeling."
"Look at what those PETA zealots made me do!" Dan said, with his voice still three octaves higher than normal.
A spell of silence came from inside Dan's car, as the two other guys stared at Dan in shocked manner.
"Just β¦ just drive the car," Derek ordered pompously.
Dan obeyed, and drove along the red-lit forest, with his body still stiff from his "collateral damage."
"I think if we take a certain route, it will get us out of here, and to a park, where we can slip into town with little risk of running into police patrols", Derek said.
Dan acknowledged that while driving. He quickly glanced at the gauges, as a natural reflex.
Something was wrong when he glanced.
He looked at the gauges again. The hand on the fuel gauge was pointing at the "E" on the bottom of the indicator. This is called "foreshadowing" kiddies. Can anyone use that word in a sentence?