Missed The Battle by Mr. Man
Published on Kiith Iopia on the 10 May 2001
Unlike the Bentusi or T-Mat, Hiigarans required food - and large amounts at that. Feeding the entire crew of a massive heavy cruiser was grueling labor. Only the hardest working could be trusted to undertake such a task.
That task, ironically, fell upon the crewmembers who couldn't be trusted. That was the largest injustice Adlai Sjet could think of in his trained science-kiith mind.
Adlai Sjet had, of the one-thousand-odd Kushan making the Hudaan fly, been the most common sight in the kitchen, spending almost all of his duty hours on KP.
But that didn't matter. Adlai prided himself on being the most easy-going individual ever to grace the Hiigaran military. If life throws you moonengos, make moonengo pie. If your superiors throw KP at you, make a party.
His buddies from the kitchen had arranged a small fifth-anniversary mock party for Adlai as soon as they learned of his new record-breaking kitchen patrol run. He was to meet them at 3200 hours and receive a small cake along with a commemorative plaque with his new motto in bold letters: "Five years straight and still going strong. I'm unbroken and I'm proud."
Adlai opened the door to the kitchen, and ignored the sudden lowering of temperature. It was considered a waste of energy and manpower to keep everything in a refrigerator which needed to be restocked and powered, while the kitchen also needed to be cooled because of its close proximity to the reactor, so, at the surrender of a few degrees, energy could be saved. The entire kitchen was a type of refrigerator, allowing food to be stored in stainless-steel cabinets, which had the advantage of much easier organization of foods. Fruits and vegetables in one cabinet, sides of skaal-tela in the closet, skaal-fi kept near the air-cooler to ensure tenderness, and so on.
The amused gazes of his crewmates and longtime acquaintances seemed to overcome the cooling affect of the room. There, on the largest cooking-surface in the galley, was a triple-layer enkrata cake, complete with little enkratai attempting fruitlessly to free themselves from the thick icing.
At the invitation of the others in the gathering, Adlai took the first slice of cake. The little insects tickled his throat and dissolved when they entered his first stomach, giving that burbling sensation that Hiigarans so cherish.
But, even more than the enkratai, Adlai enjoyed the company of kindred rebellious spirits.
That company ended abruptly as the deck beneath his feet lurched without warning, causing Adlai to stumble against the surface that the cake was using for a stand. Icing stained and with tiny insects crawling all over his body, Adlai stumbled to his feet.
Warning klaxons shouted a belated warning of danger.
"Jorni, you and the others get to your posts, I'll secure all the loose sharp objects. Wouldn't want to get disciplinary action just for running ahead of my 'buds." Adlai joked above the sirens.
Jorni nodded and ran out the kitchen door with the rest of the crewmembers. The exit emanated an odd series of clicks as it shut, but Adlai ignored them and set himself to work.
Knives were the first priority, and once these were all in their own place, Adlai hastily shoved all pots and pans into their homes. All in two standard time parts flat.
Now on to combat duty. Adlai would never again allow dawdling or carelessness to compromise his almost enjoyable KP time with the introduction of unpleasant duty like night watchman or anything, although the rest of the crew was getting weary of seeing him behind the galley's food counter. Adlai was known as the worst cook this side of Outside.
Some things cause one to believe in bad luck. The exit refused to open.
Horribly bad luck.
Adlai cursed these locked-from-the-outside doors. Containing prisoners in an emergency wasn't too high on his priority list. Sometimes when these engineers thought of everything they ended up neglecting the simple matters.
He jabbed his hand down into his uniform pocket in search of the key, only to tardily discover that he had changed out of uniform for this celebration.
Another object slammed against the hull and sent Adlai flying. He landed on the floor just in time to spot a cupboard flap open before it jabbed him in the nose, causing blue lightning to come forth from his mouth.
The sting of blood began to throb from Adlai's nose, but there was no time to lie there and throw a pity party. The flap was making another strafing run.
He quickly rolled out of the flap's range, and regretted his hasty movement when that throbbing nose of his came in contact with the stainless-steel flooring and twisted it in yet another direction.
The warning klaxons finally died down after a good thirty time parts of sustained battle. The silence informed Adlai of an irritating noise in his ears.
β¦And an irritating knowledge in his mind. How much more embarrassing a situation could there be? Being locked in a kitchen during battle and all.
The most pressing order of business was getting out of there before his absence was noticed by any of his superiors. He began tapping on the locked exit. Tapping didn't draw any attention, so he moved on to tapping's inevitable outcome, knocking.
Then pounding.
His efforts were fruitless, except to bring to his attention a small sticker that was becoming increasingly disturbed by his punching on the door, "Sound-proofed by us to ensure the safe and enjoyable preparation of food in your galley.
-Sedri industries."
Just great.
There was a light at the end of this quantum tunneling, though. If the ship was severely damaged in the recent attack by who-knows-what, a damage-control team would be along shortly to scope out the kitchen and maybe grab a little snack. If the vessel wasn't damaged, a one thousand member crew can become very hungered, and would pound the kitchen door to the deck if no other option were readily available.
Speaking of hunger, Adlai was feeling some of it himself. He opened a stainless-steel cabinet and grabbed the first can of military-issue swill that seemed appetizing. Seedless moonengo stew. Melon stew? They lived on this stuff during the Hiigaran Exodus?
The stew seemed to be an odd mix of Plaster Of Tiir and Beast nanoprobes, yet, in all Adlai's hunger, the repulsing stuff tasted just like mother used to make.
Holding the eating utensil in front of his face, Adlai reflected on his present situation. The obvious pride-bruising aside, he was still in a bad way. His career would pit him back into this infernal place for another couple of months, and then he would never get out of the galleyβ¦
But he was easygoing. None of that mattered.
Of course it mattered! He was wasting his life in his senseless search for complete care-free-ness.
But he would never become a strict, military type. Untamable!
But was celebrated rebellion against authority needed? Was this all a pointless endeavor?
The repulsing scent of rotting Skaal-tel overcame the stew and caused Adlai's bent nose to shrivel in fear for its life. As a matter of fact, the air was a tad warmer than it had been. The temperature seemed to be steadily rising.
That made the situation immeasurably worse. The reactor was apparently still functioning, but either some big guy up on the bridge decided that refrigeration power could be used elsewhere, or those circuits had been harmed in the recent battle. No matter which was true, the state of affairs had just been upped to "deadly." The heat from that reactor could fry Adlai like a Kudaark's egg.
One hundred twenty time parts later, Adlai's sweat-stained face formed pools in the yet-uneaten Seedless Moonengo Stew. The temperature was easily above 330 Kelvin. Even the stew was beginning to stew.
Just out of Adlai's field of vision the exit opened, revealing a worried Jorni. "Adlai, you all right? Adlai?"
"Wha-" Adlai managed to get the words out. Throbbed against his swollen throat.
"Let's get you out of here. This area has just been deemed safe to enter, and I knew that door sounded odd when I shut it."
"'Safe to enter'? You're joking, right?"
"Nope. You have just lived through a disaster zone. Now, let's get you cleaned up. The captain wants to speak with you."
A shower, shave, and change of uniform later, Adlai was crisp as a new recruit and ready to meet the captain and receive whatever award the Hiigaran navy handed out for conspicuous gallantry in an unrelenting kitchen.
Beaming with pride, Adlai marched into the captain's office as soon as the door opened. He vowed that he would never again earn KP through his laziness or lack of patriotism.
Captain Throontow did not mirror Adlai's glee. "It has come to my attention that you were not present during the recent engagement with several Imperialist frigates. Is this true?"
Adlai was startled at Throontow's stern demeanor, but remained optimistic. "Yes sir."
Throontow stood up. "I have looked over you record, and noticed that you have spent the last five years in constant KP."
"Yes."
"I have also noticed that the Charter of 4 AHL section D prohibits any Hiigaran navy crewmember to be absent during a battle. The punishment for which is an immediate court martial."
"I can explain β¦"
"Can it, Crewman! You betrayed your crew when they needed you at your post!"
"B-butβ¦"
"The problem is I can't spare you. We lost many good men to the Imperialists, and until we can receive new crewmembers, I am forced to be content to put you on KP until we reach the Mothership."