Chapter 16

Ben Tusi sat in a cell in the Cooksdale Police Station, clad in an orange coloured prisoner's uniform. He sat in his cell, waiting. Suddenly, he saw Lieutenant Shrank standing in front of the bars of his jail cell. A guard opened the door, and Lieutenant Shrank walked in, his boots making dull sounds as he stepped on the concrete floor. Shrank sat down on the bed, and took off his hat.

He leaned forwards, and looked at Ben Tusi.

"Ben," the Lieutenant began, "We've been through so much. It just seems like yesterday that we graduated from Law School, and went off to make our small business."

"Tusi & Shrank, Attorneys," Ben quoted, thinking back to the good old days.

"Yeah," Shrank said, with a smile, "that's a refreshing trip down memory lane. Who'd ever knew that we'd part: you becoming a judge and me, a state trooper."

Ben nodded.

"So," Ben asked, "have the Cooksdale Police declared me innocent, yet?"

"Well," Shrank began, "I had a little chat with one of the District Attorneys, and he says that you'll be able to walk."

"But..." Ben said, knowing that he was still behind bars.

"But there's going to be a County Deputy coming down here to question you."

Ben sighed, and nodded. He looked at Shrank, who was still there.

"You're interrogating me too, aren't you," Ben said.

"You know me too well," Shrank said, with a smirk, taking out a notepad and pen, "Listen, I'm just here to see if there's some sort of tie in two cases being investigated by both the Cooksdale County Sheriff and the OSP. The detectives determined that the guys in team jerseys were members of the football team, and-"

"Whoa," Ben said, amazed, "the guys in football team jerseys, with different numbers on them, that said 'Cooksdale High Football,' are actually members of a football team? Wow, the Cooksdale Police have really outdone themselves. I hope they don't strain themselves trying to identify a high school baseball team!"

Shrank sighed, and continued, "look, I'm investigating the kidnapping of Jessica Flirtly."

"Flirtly," Ben said, thinking hard, as the name rung a bell, with the letter "i" doing the bell ringing, "She's that hot chick that's a high school student, right?"

"Yeah," Shrank said, "She's something. I saw her mom, and DAMN, those are perfect genes that she's got."

"Anyways, Leiutenant," Ben said, trying to get back on track, "about the kidnapping."

"Yes," Shrank said, continuing, "Do you know of a group that are trying to locate Flirtly."

"Well," Ben started. He knew that this was going to be a lengthy interrogation.

Meanwhile, Dan's posse was lurking around the Men's change rooms, like how Frst lurks around the GD, with their Airsoft rifles pointing about, and a few of them with flashlights, holding an Airsoft pistol in one hand, and a flashlight in the other, like how Frst lurks around the forums. The Men's change rooms were empty, and extremely quiet. Dan's posse cleared the Change rooms, and found that it was empty.

The group gathered up at the door of the Men's Changing room, and stuck a mirror on a wire out of the door, to check for any football players. They saw that there were none, and they slipped out of the area, in a stealthy manner, with their weapons pointing down. The looked down the illuminated hallway, and saw that the blackness in the windows on the blue door, and around the white walls.

They massed in one big group, and they walked towards the door, with their muscles tense, and trigger fingers itchy.

The group gathered around the door, and Robert went towards the handle. He peeked the door open, and saw that the football field lights were lit up, and football players were pacing about on the field.

Robert held up his hand, and held three fingers up. He pulled his ring finger into his fist, than he did the same with the index finger. Than, he pulled his middle finger into his fist, too, and suddenly, they all burst out of the doors, and had their weapons pointing around the area, and charged at the football team, roaring a war cry.

"Oh crap, cops," A football player yelled.

"They aren't cops," another said, who was one of Chunky's escorts, "and those aren't real guns!"

"Get them," another football player said.

"Aim for their faces," Robert yelled, as the group moved in together, and made a circular formation, taking potshots at the football players. Their shots merely deflected off the football players' padding, and they knew that their only hope was to hit their faces.

As football players charged towards them, they fired shots, which, mostly, bounced off their football gear. The football players charged head on, and their protective gear proved to be an antidote to the BB rounds. Robert's posse (Dan's too busy being unconscious to have a posse), split up, and took different positions along the football field, spreading their firepower thin.

As the posse split up, Derek ran off, with his crossbow in his hands. As he ran, he looked back at the other guys spreading out across the field, and than turned his attention forward. He stopped dead in his tracks, as he saw half a dozen tall football players towering over him.

Derek was surrounded, and about to get the living crap beaten out of him.

Derek's eyes darted around, and he saw that one football player had his jersey on backwards.

"What the hell is that," Derek said, pointing at one football player's backwards jersey, "I want ten push-ups from you, before you correct your stupid mistake."

Another football player lumbered over in front of Derek, tall and intimidating, getting close and looked down at him.

"Oh yeah," the football player said, menacingly, "and what are you going to do about if we don't?"

"That's it," Derek said, throwing down his crossbow, "just for that, all of you are doing 40 push-ups, and you have Mister Jackson to thank!"

The football player backed up, and looked at the others.

"He's giving us push-ups," Jackson said, "if we don't do them, we're running 8 laps!"

All of the football players were struck by a pang of fear, and got on the ground in push-up position.

"One," Derek called out, and they all did a push-up in unison.

"You call that a push-up," Derek yelled, Full Metal Jacket style, "all the way down!"

Meanwhile, David, Sean and Brandon were fending off a group of football players by using their Airsoft guns as clubs, because those things finally ran out of ammo. What was I thinking, when I gave them a, virtually, inexhaustible capacity for rounds. I hope your fucking happy, now. Wait, having them fail at the curtail moment is even more cliché. Damn me and my fiction!!!!! Wait, Microsoft Word is telling me that I should have wrote that as "my fiction and me." Wrong again, Mistar Gates! It's my fiction and I! Now, where was I?

Yes, David, Brandon and Sean were clubbing the football players, just barley restraining them, but they were on the way to being squished by them.

The football players tore through the restraints, and began to gang-beat the hapless Homeworld enthusiasts, and as they were pinned down and had the crap beaten out of them, they lost all hope.

That is, until Robert came to the rescue, on horseback, clad in medieval armour, and a Long Sword +5 SNG and wearing chain-mail armour +2 CON and wearing a helmet -12 Charisma.

The football player's initial reaction was to run, as they were stunned, and distracted from beating the living crap out of David, Sean, and Brandon.

"The time hast cometh for dispatching thy shit from thou," Robert proclaimed, just before his horse neighed and reared, throwing Robert off the horse, and his heavy armour disabled him from being able to recover from getting thrown off the horse.

Robert was dragged behind his horse by a piece of the amour that got caught on the saddle, and he was dragged behind the horse, kicking a screaming as the horse began doing laps around the track.

Brandon, David and Sean took this opportunity to catch the football players off guard, and the tree Homeworld enthusiasts pistol-whipped the football players, who began to run away as the Homeworld enthusiasts pistol-whipping them were pursuing them.

Bob, Bobby, Rob, and Robby walked up to a defencive group of football players, surrounding Jake Riesstiu, and the goal post where Jessica and GAN were tied.

"Ready for the ass-whooping of a lifetime," Rob said.

"Bring it on," one of the football players replied, nastily.

"Oh, it's already been brought," Bobby remarked.

"Yeah, well I brought some too," another football player replied nastily

"Oh," Rob said, with a quirked eyebrow, "Can we have some?"

"Yeah, if they have any," Bobby remarked, which caused them to snicker.

"Yeah, I got some if you got some," one of the football players snarled.

"I do I have some," Bobby said, "Do I ever have some."

"What in the hell are you guys talking about," Bob yelled.

"Good question," one of the football players said.

"I think that it relates to bringing attitude, or being in position of attitude."

"No," the football player said, "I am with the school of thought that thinks 'it' relates to strength, rather than attitude, as by saying 'bring it,' they relate to bringing on their strength, rather than their attitude."

"Actually," Rob said, "I think this relates to bringing aggression, as if they want someone to 'bring it,' that they want … what the hell," Rob said, as the a few members of the football team were running laps, while Derek stood at the sidelines, insulting their parents and talking about their relation between their sisters and their sisters' ability to reproduce.

Meanwhile, inside the school, Dan woke up, aching and in complete pain. The blurry interior of the school came into focus, as double vision was trying to mesh into one view. He sorely raised his head, and shook it. He pulled himself up, and looked at the empty foyer. Well, except for Chunky McFatass, who was unconscious in a pool of his own blood. Beside him lay an M-16, or at least an Airsoft M-16. Dan picked it up by the handle, and carried it around with him.

He wondered why he was here, and what his goal was. He limped, somewhat, towards the hallway, and looked at where he discovered that 1.) Jessica like him more that her boyfriend, and 2.) He had plaid socks in his wardrobe. Only fashion disasters and possibly preps have plaid socks. What in the hell!

But even though Dan just may have well have had a concussion, he still had a job to do. As his father once said to him, "The key is under the doormat." That quote had completely no relevance, but it was reassuring to know that the key was, in fact, under the doormat. Yes, he had a mission, and a goal. Additionally, the key was, in fact, under the doormat.

However, his mission was made up of much bigger, better, and bootylicious things. It was a damsel in distress, and a dragon was keeping her. They were Jessica, and Jake Riesstiu, Jake being the dragon. I couldn't imagine Jessica keeping Jake like a dragon, unless it was a kinky erotic whipping or something. But I'm not going to get carried away and go into detail because that would be "wrong."

Dan stepped down the hallway, his combat boots making clunking sounds as he went. He saw the doors, and the pitch-blackness of the night, in comparison with the lightness of the interior of the school.

He opened the door, and saw the football field. That's where he got a little scared. Not of Jake, but of his current health.

He saw a group of his friends chasing after football players, holding pistols in a pistol-whip like position, while football players were running across the track with Derek, while a horse, from the look of it, chased it, with an armoured Robert was being dragged behind the horse. On the field, Rob, Robby, Bob and Bobby were having an analytical discussion about the phrase, "Bring it on."

"Jonathan Livingston Seagull," Dan cursed out, "I can't even be unconscious a few minutes without the entire world collapsing into anarchy and chaos! Why does everything in this town get carried away like this?"

However, Dan looked beyond the analytical debate, and saw his goal, and his destiny. Jake Riesstiu, clad in his football uniform, stood in front of Jessica, who was taped to the goal post.

Dan had a job to do. He took his M-16 into both his hands, and curled his index finger around the trigger. This was the time to get revenge.

Dan went forwards, and marched towards his erotic fantasy, which was about to be turned into his destiny.

The football players caught sight of Dan, and suddenly ended the philosophical debate. Rob, Bob, Robby and Bobby took out their Airsoft pistols, and fired shots at the football player's faces, making them run away in complete agony. Jake, who was previously preoccupied with convincing Jessica to think like a complete lunatic, like him, was enraged at Bob, Bobby, Rob and Robby. Jake kicked one of them in the groin, and threw another on over his shoulder. The other two ran away in fear of getting his ass kicked.

Dan suddenly jumped up, and the background turned into a bluish-greyish background, that had some black lines indicating some sort of eternal movement, as Dan transformed into a guy with unbelievably monstrously muscled man, with a disproportional tiny head.

He fell on the ground, after jumping to transform for some really odd reason. Jake tore off his helmet, and charged towards Dan, and did an extremely long jump kick, with nothing but a bluish coloured background streaming behind him, as if the football field stopped existing. Jake kicked Dan back, and Dan fell back with another neutral coloured streaming background behind him as he flew threw the streaming colour for longer than necessary. He landed on the ground, than got up, and stared Jake square in the eyes.

"I will kick your ass, Jake," Dan said, his voice not sync with his lip movements.

"You will have to not die first," Jake commented, his voice also completely out of sync with his mouth.

Dan jumped up in the air, with his leg stretched out, and a dark red streaming coloured background behind him, as he traveled, as if the football field was changing colours as the two fought. Dan kicked Jake across the face, with a purple coloured background behind the outstretched clip of Jake receiving the kick.

Dan jumps up, in another different coloured background that streams behind him, and uppercuts Jake, making his head fly back, and Jake get thrown about a feet, before he lands on the field, bruised and scraped up after receiving two blows.

Dan jumped up in the air, and the camera pans around in a sort of spinning direction, while dramatic and climatic music plays.

"Really long attack that sounds really dramatic and stuff," Dan chanted as a bright blue orb formed in front of his opened palms, which were about a foot apart and facing each other.

"Time to kick ass with a really boring action sequence that has streaming colours for no reason as the final blow is struck!!!!!"

Dan chanted more things as the orb grew in size and … power … I guess.

"Climatic chanting that will lead to the final blow of the antagonist, and erasing his classification as a nemesis totally!"

The Orb discharged from Dan's palms, and flew towards Jake. The orb raced towards Jake's lower torso, but is soon became clear that was aimed at Jake's crotch. The orb hit Jake square in the family jewels, which not even his cup could protect him from.

Jake was propelled four meters away, with every muscle tense, as he curled up in the fetal position, and was constantly kept on the verge of tears.

Dan landed on the ground, and struck a pose pesudo-heroic pose, with two fingers held up for the international sign for peace. He than transformed into his normal form.

A spell of peace and serenity befell the football field as the football players and Dan's posse looked over at the goalpost, and saw that Jake Riesstiu was holding his precious testacies, as they ached. They stopped all they were doing, and both groups, ignoring their conflict, walked over to the scene where Dan had just kicked Jake's ass.

The gathered around in a circle, and saw Jake in the fetal position, nearly crying, while Dan stood there, with a slight breeze tugging at his unbuttoned fatigues. The rising sun peaked out from the horizon, and shone as the clouds began to part, and a new day descended on the town of Cooksdale, Oregon. It's about time the night ended, too. That was one really long night.

The teens herd a subtle patting sound, and looked at the sky, and saw a Bell Jet ranger Helicopter hovering there, with an aura of authority on it, as it hovered above the school.

"This is the Oregon State Police," the loudspeaker from the helicopter boomed, intruding the serenity, "stay exactly where you are, and do not move."

The teens there looked around, as they heard emergency sirens grow louder and louder. They saw Crown Victoria Police cars drive onto the football field, with their emergency lights flashing. Police trucks, Patty Wagons, and Crown Vic's all parked around the area, some of them Cooksdale Police, others Oregon State Police.

Deputy Porker and Sheriff Swine pulled up in their Chevrolet Corvettes given the County Sheriff paint scheme, along with the rest of the Police response at the school.

Lieutenant Shrank got out of his Crown Victoria, and took out his megaphone.

"Everyone stay right were you are, this is a crime scene," Shrank announced.

Ben Tusi pulled up in his Lamborghini Diablo, and stepped out of his car, dressed in a Judge's robe and a shirt and tie underneath his robe.

"I have summoned the State Police," Ben Tusi said, "This conflict is over."

State troopers began to break up the crowd of teens, and began their interrogations.

Dan looked over as a State Trooper walked over to the goalpost, and took out a Swiss Army knife, and undid the duct tape that bound Jessica and GAN to the Goalpost. Jessica smiled at Dan, with a glistening in her eyes, possibly from the sun, possibly from the Police cars, or a combination of both that could be interpreted as a look of love.

The State trooper finished unbinding GAN and Jessica and Jessica walked over to Dan, where they embraced their victory with a hug.

"So, Dan," Jessica said, "I never thought I'd see you rescue me before the cops did."

"You had faith in the Cooksdale Police," Dan asked.

"Hey, I heard that, you punk," Sergeant Bacon, with his tie missing and his uniform shirt un-tucked, snapped, pointing at Dan.

Jessica gave a little laugh.

Jessica looked up into Dan's eyes, as Dan was a little taller the Jessica. Jessica gently pulled Dan's head towards hers.

"Thank you for saving my life," Jessica sweetly whispered, before they were both drawn in by the magnetism of HOT HOT HOT LUST XXX, and began to kiss passionately.

"Aw, Sheriff," Porker said, looking at the two young lovers passionately kiss, "isn't that sweet? Two kids falling in love and meeting after emulating the Homeworld storyline."

The Sheriff looked the Deputy sternly in the eyes and said, "shut up and take names."

"Jacob Riesstiu, you're under arrest under the charges of Arson and Kidnapping," a state trooper said to Jake, "you have the right to remain silent … and you'll probably be using that right too," the Trooper commented, as he looked at Jake nearly in tears, barely able to breathe, from the agony of a direct hit.

Sheriff Swine approached Robert, and just as he was about to slap handcuffs on his wrist, Lieutenant Shrank stopped him.

"Sheriff," Shrank said, as Swine was about to slap cuffs on Robert, "Don't arrest him, he's my cousin ... and that's good because … people who are related to cops … are … cool."

Shrank was thinking of a way to better persuade this tight-ass of a Sheriff.

"Um," Shrank began, "I'm not pressing charges, and there is no evidence pertaining to his involvement in any criminal activity."

Swine looked at the Lieutenant, and gave sigh, before putting his handcuffs back on his belt.

"So, Ben" Derek asked Hon. Ben Tusi, "How'd you get us out of ending up in Jail?"

"Well," Ben began, explaining the situation to Derek, Sean, David and Brandon, "within the power invested in me by the State of Oregon, I declared that no charges be layed against you conserning any of your actions during the night of the 30th of September 2000."

"But how did you manipulate the system," Brandon asked.

Ben got a grave, ominous look on his face, and said, with an echo, said "I AM THE SYSTEM."

Mister and Missis Flirtly parked along the sidewalk, behind a Crown Victoria Police car, and walked towards the investigation scene, where Police lines were being set up, and Police were conducting their investigations by taking pictures of the ground and walking around, as if they were doing something of importance.

Mr. Flirtly were approaching Lieutenant Shrank, but were confronted by Sheriff Swine, with a paper in his hand. The Sheriff handed the paper to Mr. Flirtly.

"Police Budget Fee," Mr. Flirtly read aloud, angered. Mr. Flirtly looked the Sheriff right in the eye.

"I have two words for you, Sheriff," Mr. Flirtly said, "F-you!"

"Excuse me, sir," The Sheriff asked, leaning his right ear closer to Mr. Flirtly.

"The police didn't do anything to help us. It was this guy, and his posse, all along," Mr. Flirtly said, as he walked over and put his hand on Dan's shoulders. Dan and Jessica promptly stopped making out, and faced the Sheriff.

"With his bravery in taking the law into his own hands, and avoiding both law enforcement and the school athletic teams, he has proven himself worthy of my daughter's love. If there's anything this world needs, it's more vigilante kids, and less cops!"

"Wrong," Sheriff Swine said, taking out his handcuffs, "They're coming with me in a Patty wagon."

The guys gasped, as Swine approached Dan.

"Daniel Crown," Swine began, "You're under arrest for obstruction of justice and assault charges. You have the right to remain …"

"Free," Ben Tusi interrupted, stepping in front of the Sheriff, holding a document in his hands.

"What the hell's this," Swine asked, s he took the document and read it.

"Court Order declaring innocence of Daniel Crown and his associates," Swine read out.

Ben nodded, with his lips tucking into his mouth.

The aged Sheriff gave a sigh, and paced about, addressing Dan, his posse, his new girlfriend and her parents.

"Listen," The Sheriff began, "Your innocence has been legally declared, but I'm not letting you off that easily. Due to your involvement in … last night's events, you're still going to court to testify for the State prosecution. The court dates and useless paperwork will be mailed to you."

Meanwhile, inside the school, A group of Cooksdale Police Officers were standing around in the Foyer, wielding pistols, and one wielding a shotgun, as Paramedics walked into the school, with a stretcher and bags of medical equipment, ducking under the Police tape set up around the Foyer.

The Paramedics walked towards Chunky McFatass's bloated body, and set down their equipment around the crater that he made by falling back.

"We're not going to be able to get this fat ass on the stretcher," One Paramedic said.

"We've always been prepared for this," the other Paramedic said, pulling a glazed doughnut out of one of the medical bags, and holding it close to Chunky's face. The Medics saw Chunky sniff, and awake. The Paramedic began holding the doughnut away from his face, and Chunky got up, to get after the doughnut. The Paramedics were using the doughnut to lewder Chunky McFatass's bloated, disgusting body into the ambulance.

Dan and Jessica looked at each other, in the surroundings of the school and a group of Police vehicles and Officers. Jessica leaned against Dan, and held an arm around his back, while Dan put his arm over her shoulder.

"You know, Jessica," Dan started, "If it weren't for one thing, I would be sleeping in my bedroom, and waking up to my ordinary, boring, girl-less life. If it weren't for one thing, I wouldn't be here. This one thing is:

HOMEWORLD!

GO TO YOUR LOCAL RETAILER AND BUY THIS AWSOME GAME NOW!

WHO KNOWS, YOU JUST MIGHT SHARE DAN'S SAME EXPERIENCE IF YOU BUY HOMEWORLD! DO IT! DO IT FOR JESSICA FLIRTLY!