Chapter 9

"So," Mr. Flirtly said to the Lieutenant, making idle conversation, "Does the FBI intervene with kidnappings?"

"Well, sir," Lieutenant Shrank began, "the FBI only becomes involved in kidnappings after 2 weeks of the case being open. That way, we can know that the kidnapper would be outside of state lines, and roaming around the country."

"Really," Mr. Flirtly said, "It's reassuring to know how the Police work."

"All units," Lieutenant Shrank's radio said, "We've got a 224 in progress."

"What does that mean," Mr. Flirtly asked, hoping that they've found his daughter.

"Oh," Shrank said, shaking his head, "That means that someone flushed a penguin down the toilet."

The Flirtly couple looked at each other, in confusion.

Mr. Flirtly asked, "They have a law against doing that?"

"You wouldn't believe how much of a mess the US Judicial system is," Shrank answered, "for example, in Georgia, they've declared Satan illegal, in fear that there might be a terrorist attack on a small town."

Jessica's parents were completely perplexed by this statement.

"What's the legal definition of 'Satan,'" Mr. Flirtly asked.

Lieutenant Shrank shook his head, and said, "that's up to the Church to decide."

Meanwhile, Dan and his posse were crouched down behind a stretch of brush.

"Guys," Sean said, "do you think it's safe?"

"I dunno'" Brandon said.

They looked at a large clearing, and in the clearing, were a group of about eight men, sitting around, watching something on a large screen TV. The TV was facing exactly the opposite direction of Dan's posse. Behind the group of men, was an RV, which looked like a new state-of-the-art RV, too.

Dan's group were looking onward at the group of men sitting around, quietly debating whether they should ask the men for help or not.

"This is insane," Derek whispered, "why the hell are we doing this anyways?"

"Because," Dan replied, whispering, "if we do all of this for Jessica, she'll think it's romantic that I endangered my life, and the lives of my friends just for her, and she might have the sex with me."

"I think it's crazy," Derek said, quietly, "and I think I should turn you in to the police."

"C'mon," Dan whispered, "You've commit crimes with me. Besides, if you were a chick, you'd think it would be romantic if a guy endangered his and his friends' lives just for you."

"Please," Derek snorted, while rolling his eyes.

"Derek," Dan said quietly, in a convincing tone, "just imagine you're a chick…"

Derek obeyed when he heard that much.

In Derek's subconscious, he imagined himself as a very sexy woman.

In his fantasy, he suddenly saw Jake Riesstiu in front of him, and the chick version of Derek went in to seduce Jake, giving signals of interest, and smiling at him. Jake smiled at the chick version of Derek, and gave signals of interest back at the chick version of Derek.

The chick Derek walked up to Jake, and Derek started to rub shampoo into the Chick Derek's hair.

"Oh yes," Derek burst out, as he was in a pure ecstasy of erotic hygiene, "Work it, work it, WOOOO! This is great! You're filling me up! Oh god! Oh yes!"

Dan slapped Derek to get him back to his senses. Derek shook his head and gave out a sigh, returning to his senses.

"Thank you," Derek said, somewhat weakly, "I needed that."

A spell of silence fell on the group as Derek finished his praise.

After a minute of silence from Derek's confusing words of praise, the group got back to the debate.

"Well, we don't really need their help," David said, "how about we just move along with our task: saving Jessica."

"Yeah," Derek said, "It's best that we don't bug them. I mean, haven't you guys ever watched and episode of 'The Peanut Butter Solution?'"

All of the guys toned down hysterical laughter into a compressed chuckle Derek's statement.

"Dude," Dan said in-between chuckles, "Nobody watches 'The Peanut Butter Solution.' Besides, that show sucks!"

"No" Derek said in defence of his beloved TV show, "YOU suck."

"Aw screw this," Brandon called out, "I don't know about you sissies, but I'm going to talk to them."

Brandon walked out of the bushes with a pissed look on his face.

Brandon, leaving the wussies behind to watch him with stupid looks on their faces.

Man, those guys are a bunch of wimps.

Brandon approached the group of men, staring at the TV like zombies, Brandon got his diplomacy on, and spoke.

"Hey guys," Brandon said in a cheery manner, as the men looked up, with dopey, pissed off looks on their faces.

Brandon's smile began to fall as the men moved up, and gave him cold looks as they loomed towards him, as if they were going to beat him up.

"I'm not going to leave him there to die," Sean said, "I'm going in to save his ass."

Sean got out of the bushes, and heroically charged towards Brandon in an effort to save him. The rest of Dan's posse stayed behind, and looked onward to watch what was going on ahead of them.

Brandon grew scared, and looked around. Out of the corner of his eye, he looked at image of the big screen TV. Brandon suddenly had his eyes fixated on the image of the TV screen, and, along with all of the men, slowly and creepily, sat down and watched the TV.

Puzzled looks twisted the faces of the guys in the bushes, looking onward.

Sean than approached the group of men staring at the TV. Sean noticed that their heads were moving back and forth in a slow pattern.

"Alright," Sean said, catching the attention of everyone watching the TV.

Sean was cut off by fear, as bloodthirsty stares from people who were watching the TV struck fear into Sean's heart. Sean, knowing that he was about to die, wanted to satisfy his curiosity. He quickly bent over, and looked at the image of the TV, and instantly, he acted zombie-like, just as the rest of the people watching the TV had been acting.

"What the hell is on the TV screen anyways?" David asked rhetorically, while beginning to get out of the bushes.

Dan, Derek and Edward watched as David marched off to the TV, and looked at it, than became zombie-like, just as the rest of the people watching the TV had been.

"I'm going to talk them out of this." Edward said, as he began to walk off stupidly, and to his inevitable doom. Dan and Derek watched as the people watching the TV punched out Edward. Dan and Derek watched as Edward faced the TV screen, and suddenly he was left alone, and watched TV as well.

"Let's get out of here." Derek said.

"No!" Dan whispered sharply, "we can't just leave them here. We don't stand a chance with just the three of us. It's an entire bloody football team we're against."

"You know what?" Derek said, pompously, "let's forget the whole plan, and go home, and stop committing crimes. I don't even know why I came along here in the first place."

"Do you know why you came here?" Dan said, convincingly, and nearly angrily "Because you hate the football team. You have four new friends who have, somehow, just been subverted. At Bob's house, you knocked on my window, and risked getting caught by the cops, but you did it for me, and for Jessica. You did this because we have a common enemy. Now, before you walk off, remember this: there is a gorgeous woman out there, who needs our help, and your help. If you help us, you will help her. So are you going to help Jessica, or are you going to go home, and let me suffer an ordeal alone?"

Dan's convincing words moved Derek, but Derek stayed in his current mindset.

"Die, you crazy idiot criminal." Derek said.

"Bite me, you pompous nerd." Dan snarled.

Dan bravely marched out towards the RV, with the group of subverted people staring mindlessly at the TV. Dan was determined to cure them of their subversion. Dan walked towards the TV, and kicked it. It didn't even cause a dent in the TV. Dan kicked it, and punched it, and slammed on it in rage. He was full of fury, and bashed the TV doing little to no damage to it.

The zombie-like people walked towards Dan in a mindless fashion. Dan's former friends, former, trusted friends were subverted by those images. Dan had to destroy the TV, but couldn't. The group of Zombies picked Dan up, and held him horizontally.

Derek, walking along the dense forest brush, stopped as he heard Dan yelling and screaming in futile resistance.

Derek stood there; knowing that a person he knew was going to become victim of some sort of subversive images.

He watched, as Dan submit to looking at the image. Derek watched in almost horror when Dan joined to zombie-like band of people staring at the images mindlessly.

Derek looked onward.

"Are you going to help Jessica?" Derek remembered Dan saying to him. His final words, after Derek turned on him, and did the equivalent of spitting on him.

Derek began to have a change in heart. He knew the group had insulted him a lot, but they all had one common goal, and one common enemy.

Derek stood there thinking.

"Use the force, young Jedi", Obi wan Kenobi said to Derek, "and do not turn to the dark side."

"I will not fail you, master," Derek said to his imaginary friend.

Derek than marched out of the brush, and went off to save his friend, and help his cause. Derek, with determination, heroically ran off towards the TV screen. As he ran, he figured out that he would have to turn off the TV to save his friends. It may not work, but Derek was willing to risk his life for his friends.

Derek charged at the TV as fast as he could travel. The zombies took notice of Derek, and slowly began to stand up. Derek dove in front of the TV, closing his eyes before he dove. Accidentally, Derek opened up his eyes, and looked at the image on the TV screen, that towered over him. He looked at the clear image.

As he looked at it, he figured out why it subverted his friends and the men that were there initially. He instantly grew afraid of being subverted. Within one second, time froze, and became very slow. He looked at the image that the Cathode Ray Tube projected from the TV. All the TV displayed were images of Pamela Anderson on Bay Watch, running in slow motion.

In fear of being subverted, a second later after looking at the image of the lovely Mrs. Anderson, he squeezed his eyes shut. The third second passed, and he realised that he had not been subverted.

He opened his eye, and turned his head. The guys were getting close, and about the beat the crap out of him

Derek had a pang of fear strike through him, and Derek quickly looked at the panel of buttons on the TV screen, and saw the "Power" button. His arm shot out without him even telling it to, and pressed the button.

The image of Pamela Anderson running across the beach in slow motion instantly vanished, and was replaced by the black screen, in the absence of any rays being accelerated through it that subvert the mind.

All of the men who were previously subverted shook their heads, and "awaken" in a way.

"Whoa," most of them said, in turn.

Dan looked at Derek, lying on the ground, pointing at the "Power" button.

"Derek" Dan said, "You saved our lives!"

"Well" Derek said, while getting up off the ground, "I thought about what you said, and … you were right. I shouldn't have left you to rot away like that. I'm sorry."

Derek and Dan shook hands, and gave each other a pat on the back.

"Hey," Brandon said, after fully returning to his senses, "How come you didn't get subverted by the show?"

"Yeah?" Sean said.

Suddenly, everyone looked at Derek, in a confused manner.

"Umm," Derek said, in defence, "Pamela's pretty hot."

All of the guys began to look at each other, and whispered amongst themselves.

"Hey!" Derek said, "I save your guys' lives!"

They all nodded in agreement, and shut up.

Ben Tusi's Lamborghini Diablo rushed out of the woods, and parked in front of the turned off television.

Ben Tusi walked out of the car.

"I have known of this show," Ben said, humbly, "but could never watch it. I am particularly vulnerable to its influence. I'd like the tape you have acquired. It will be transferred automatically if you choose to trade, for crossbows and tranquilliser darts."

"Here you go, Derek said, without wasting any time. He ejected the tape from the TV, and handed it over to Ben Tusi. Ben Tusi handed over five crossbows, and three boxes full of tranquilliser darts over to the group."

"The Football team are determined to kick our asses," Derek said, "Will you help us defeat them?"

"Conflict is not my way," Ben said, "We will bring your cause to the State Court. The Football team rules the School subculture, but even they must answer to the Law."

Ben Tusi got into his Diablo, and sped away, disappearing into the night.

"Hey," one of the original members of the men watching the TV said, "While there's still a spirit of charity alive: is there anything we can do to help you guys out?"

"Well…" Dan said, with thoughts forming in his head about taking advantage of this opportunity, "I have a favour you could do for us…"