Chapter 8
Derek looked at a Polaroid, and glanced up at Dan every ten seconds, Dan started out as idly curious, but now this was beginning to piss him off.
"Why do you look at me, than at the Photo," Dan asked.
"I took a picture of that PETA guy, and he looks a lot like you. Did you ever know your dad?"
"Gee," Edward said, in a joking tone, "I wonder why Derek took a picture of a naked man."
Derek shot his eyes and Edward, than yelled, "Shut up!"
Dan chuckled.
"Seriously, Dan," Derek continued, "Did you know your father?"
"Actually," Dan said, sighing, than licking his lips, "I never did know him. He was in the Navy, and he died during the Cold war."
Derek and Edward burst out in hysterical laughter.
"There wasn't any freaking combat during the cold war," Edward yelled, in between boughs of laughter.
"What'd happened," Derek said, "Did he slip off the deck of a ship?"
Dan morosely nodded, with a silent tear rolling down his cheek. Derek and Edward laughed even harder, so hard that their faces were turning purple.
After their fit of hysterical laughter, they calmed down.
"We're really sorry to hear that," Derek said, in an attempt to humour Dan.
Dan's car slowed down to a stop, and the car could not drive any longer with its empty fuel tank.
"Shit," Dan said, "Get out of the car, the fuel tank's dry."
Derek, disappointed because he was busy playing Homeworld on Dan's laptop, obeyed orders.
Derek, Dan and Edward grimly got out of the car.
"Dan," Derek said, "why didn't you go to Bob's party with a full gas tank?"
"Because," Dan said, in a pissed-off tone, "I didn't know I'd be doing this much driving. I thought I would use the back seats of my car, primarily, this night, not the damn gas tank!"
"Look" Edward said, "There's no point in bitching about this. We have to find some gas."
Sean stopped his car, and parked it close to Dan's.
"Hey," Sean called out the window, "why'd you stop here?"
"Because," Dan said, "My stupid fuel tank ran dry."
Sean stopped the engine, and the guys got out of the cars, and grouped around.
"Alright, we've got our problem," Dan said, "Now, all we need to do is find out how to solve it. Where the hell are we going to find gas?"
"Why don't you just drive with us?" Brandon asked.
"Because," Dan said, "first of all, we can't leave my car behind. I paid a lot for that car. Secondly, if we ride in the same car, and a police car comes along and sees us, we'll get arrested, and all our plans will be screwed up."
Brandon nodded, and acknowledged the answer. The guys stood around thinking.
David thought, than said, "Would the PETA guys have any fuel?"
"Fat chance," Derek said, "Amish people are more likely to have fuel than PETA is."
"Speaking PETAβ¦" David said, looking at a huddle of silhouettes.
The guys looked at a group, standing ominously.
"What in the name of Jonathan Livingston Seagull is going on here?" Dan exclaimed.
"Oh crap!" Sean yelped, "They're not the only ones!"
Sean pointed at another group.
The guys quickly grabbed any weapon they could find from inside their cars.
Dan looked up, and saw a third groups. All of the Groups were in a triangular formation around them.
"Shit!" Dan yelped, "This is a trap! We're surrounded!"
"No shit, Sherlock!" Brandon yelled at Dan, due to nervousness.
"Dig deeper, Watson!" Dan yelled, in retaliation.
Adrenalin filled up their bodies, and they were ready to kick some ass.
"Urbanites," a PETA nudist called out, "we offer you a chance to join us in our quest to correct humanity from it's utter mistake of being human!"
"Listen, before I kick all your asses, is any one of you Petty Officer John Crown," Dan called out.
"I wasn't in the military," one of the silhouettes called out, "but I am John Crown."
"I am your son," Dan called out.
"What? Oh yeah, I ditched my wife to work with PETA. She must have told you I was in the Navy in order not to hurt your feelings."
"You little crap miner," Brandon called out, "you abandoned your own son for a bunch of stupid tree huggers. You loved your son. You gave him your own middle name."
A faint sobbing noise could be heard.
"Don't believe them," a PETA guy said to John.
"You are a bad man," Sean said.
"Listen son," John called out, "we can rebel against unnatural human nature, and catch up, at the same time."
"Oh, father," Dan said, in deep thought, and emotion, "NO!!!!@!@!@!!!!1"
"No-one lives forever," Dan shouted, patriotically, "but I am, sure as hell, not dying tonight!"
With that, the guys burst in shouts of war cries, and stomped, squished, and battered the hordes of spiders that PETA released, wave after wave, with bitter lusty, angst and rage. A few of the spiders began crawling up the guys' legs, but they were killed by improvingly accurate hits.
The slowly revolving red lights from the randomly hung lamps combined with the headlights from all sorts of cars parked around the forest made for an eerie collage of horrible colours, like a website hosted on Geocities.
Usually when Dan saw such an awful display of colour, he could close the browser, but now there was no browser, just this ugly, disgusting lighting.
The colour enraged Dan, and he went into a killing frenzy, much like a narcissist would when he would have hair loss.
Dan, foaming at the mouth, shouted, killed many spiders and an increased rate. The spiders that were crawling up his legs were quickly slaughtered. Brown goo covered the whole ground, but many more spiders still converged on Dan and his group.
Dan's posse retreated to the space between Dan's car and Edward's car.
"Edward, come with me," Dan said, taking initiative, "The rest of you stay here, and kill anything that has more than three legs."
Dan and Edward heroically charged towards the group of PETA freaks that directly faced their cars.
With melee weapons in hand, they began to bash at the bus. A small group of Forest dwelling PETA began to run for dear life, and spread out all over the forest.
Dan charged after the second group, in his car, laughing manically, while the PETA idiots fled with their tails between their legs.
The guys that were left to guard their cars were finishing off the remaining spiders.
As soon as the remaining spiders were finished off, Dan and his posse huddled.
"Where the hell do we get gas?" Brandon asked Dan in a demeaning tone.
"No," Dan said, "we have find the last group of PETA idiots, and find a source of gas, somehow. Otherwise, they'll track us down, and we'll be spider lunch."
"Yeah," Sean said, "but how will we do that?"
"Freeze!"
They guys were suddenly staring at flashlights, and down the barrels of M-16 assault rifles, with men in camouflage fatigues pointing them.
"Oh shit," Brandon cursed.
Derek was so scared at the sight of the soldiers pointing rifles at them that he jumped into Brandon's arms. Brandon, upon noticing that he was holding Derek in his arms, was repulsed, and dropped Derek on the ground, without a second thought.
"What happened was totally self defence," Sean yelled.
"FBI," I voice said, as the troopers lowered their weapons.
"Oh thank god," Dan said, "you're here to save us, right?"
"Actually, this is a crack-down," a trooper said, "the Federal Government is sick of PETA, and we're hear to 'diplomatically' 'straighten' 'things' out." But you didn't see any of this, okay?"
"Hey," Derek said, whispering to Dan, "I've got an idea."
Dan nodded, and Derek stepped forward, to the FBI trooper.
"Listen, Agent," Derek said, "we are stuck here and β¦ we're out of gas. Our silence is guaranteed if you give us gas for Dan's car."
The rest of the group was nodding as Derek spoke.
The FBI agent crossed his arms, and looked at the display of kids in the forest.
"What in the hell are you boys doing out here at this hour," the FBI agent asked.
The guys started their sentences, as they looked at other members of the group for help.
"Technical stuff," Sean burst out, "it's very technical."
"Oh," the FBI agent said, "Technical stuff. Alright, I guess I'll let you off the hook for now. After this covert operation we'llβ¦"
"Bingo, Bravo go," his radio said, when there was suddenly a lot of automatic gunfire and yelling.
"Damn it," the agent said, "they've started already."
A naked PETA guy suddenly, as if from nowhere, fell on the hood of Sean's car, which was cheerfully greeted by the butt of an Assault Rifle being smashed into his naked back β¦ Repeatedly.
"Dude," Brandon said, "I don't know whether to cheer or be disgusted."
The guys stood there, looking at the brutal display of FBI agents beating and arresting hapless naked PETA idiots.
They looked at each other, and nodded. They, seemingly out of nowhere, took out a bunch of flags and banners the read "Go FBI," and cheering for the heavily armed FBI agents. An FBI helicopter hovered overhead, and over it's loudspeakers, blasted the song "My way", by Limp Bizkit, as the brutal crackdown progressed. The guys profusely cheered for the FBI as they bounced to the music.