Chapter 13

State troopers put the tennis and football players into Patty Wagons with zip-ties around their wrists.

Police lights were flashing every which direction on the street, as the troopers strolled about, looking throughout the area.

State Troopers examined the area for evidence, and took photographs of the vehicles around the area, just before they got toed, curtsy of Joe's Towing Service. If you ever park illegally, you can depend on Joe's Towing to take your car to the impound lot. Joe's Towing, serving angry and unwilling customers for over twelve years!

Sheriff Swine rolled up in his Corvette, with Sheriff Decals pasted all over his car. He put on the car's Police lights, and stepped out of the car, walking over to Lieutenant Shrank, with his shoes making dull sounds with each step.

"What have we got here, Lieutenant," Swine asked.

"Well, Sheriff," Shrank began, "there's a really interesting development. The guy who called 911 said that there were men with assault rifles here, firing shots."

"So," the Sheriff asked.

"Look around," Shrank said, "there's no spent shells on the ground."

Sheriff Swine examined the area, and found that he was right.

He looked towards an Ambulance, and saw Paramedics treat a preppy guy for heavy bruising. He looked as if he had been beaten.

"What's the matter with him," Sheriff Swine asked, pointing towards the prep.

"Oh," Shrank said, "he claims to have been shot, repeatedly. He was standing in that van over there."

Swine looked to where the Lieutenant was pointing, and walked towards the Ford Truck. He put on latex gloves, and looked into the back of the truck. He took out his flashlight, and shined it at the floor. He could see what looked like a few pebbles on the floor.

"What do you see," Shrank said, looking at the Sheriff in an interested fashion.

The Sheriff hopped into the back of the truck, and picked up a pebble, shining his light on it.

"They weren't using bullets, Lieutenant," the aged Sheriff said, "This looks like a BB round. That should explain the lack of shells."

"The guy said that they were automatic weapons firing," Shrank said, confused.

Swine looked over to the Lieutenant from within the truck, and said, "what type of automatic weapon fires BB rounds that did nothing more than bruise a kid."

The State Trooper stood there, and thought about it. He shrugged his shoulders, and said, "The only thing I can think of is Airsoft. My cousin used to play that."

"Well there you go, Lieutenant," Swine said, "we've got a bunch of guys with Airsoft guns fighting school athletic teams. The thing you're investigating is a team Captain went psychotic, burns down a house, and kidnaps his own girlfriend. Think there might be a tie?"

"Maybe," Lieutenant Shrank said, "for now, I think I'll treat them as separate cases."

Sheriff Swine climbed out of the truck, and ordered a nearby State Trooper to take pictures of the inside of the truck.

Deputy Sheriff Porker rolled up, and got out of his car. He walked towards Swine.

"Have the state troopers put a lid on this," Porker asked.

"No, Deputy," Swine said, "I think we've found a tie between Jake Riesstiu and the last two 911 calls we've responded to."

"Listen," Lieutenant Shrank said, "Sheriff, I'll let you cover the conflict between the football team and the Airsoft enthusiasts. I'll cover the kidnapping."

"Right, Lieutenant," Swine said.

He explained his finding to the Deputy.

"So," Porker said, "What do we do now?"

"I want roadblocks set up around town," Swine said, "These fights have got to stop."

Meanwhile, our heroes fled the area, and traveled across the residential district to the Karos salvage yard.

"There's a Pink minivan in the Salvage yard," Elson explained, "there's a Police Scanner in there, and we could use it to dodge the cops."

"What about the football players," Derek asked.

"Well," Elson said, "if we can make it to the school, we're basically home free. The challenge right now is to make sure we don't wear handcuffs."

"Hey," Sean asked, "why'd you defect?"

"Well," Elson said, "Jake is insane, and I'm not about to help out that psycho."

"But why'd you side with us," Brandon asked.

Elson shrugged his shoulders, and said, "to piss Jake off."

"Alright, boys," Bobby announced from the Driver's seat, "We're at the Karos Salvage yard.

Dan and his posse, clad in camouflage, got their Airsoft weapons, and exited the Minivan with their Airsoft weapons in hand, and they began to plot jumping the wooden wall that separated them.

Meanwhile, Elson and Derek were busy mastering Level 13 of Homeworld on Dan's laptop

Three X's of interceptors and a Support frigate dispatched from where the Mother ship was, into dense fields of debris and derelict ships. Suddenly, a cannon hiding in a cloud of derelict craft and debris was firing on an interceptor group. The interceptors groups spread out, and flew towards the gun pod that was firing a hail of rounds at the interceptors. The interceptors responded with their own hail of rounds, and, with aggressive tactics, they destroyed it.

However, lurking in another cloud of debris was a large denizen of the Karos Graveyard. It was a corvette class vessel, but very large for a corvette. The support frigate was facing away from it, unsuspecting.

"We're picking up an active corvette class ping, sir," a Sensors operator onboard the support frigate said.

Fleet command acknowledged, and ordered the Interceptor squad to engage the corvette, and destroy it. The Interceptor pilots thought it would be typical overkill, and they went to carry out their duty, thinking it would be easy. However, when the pilots saw the huge red square on their heads up displace around a large, orange covered frigate-like vessel, they knew that this was a whole new ball game.

The Junkyard Dog, as it was named by Kushan fleet command, moved to the side of the support frigate. The frigate's main cannons fired on the dog, but it had little to no effect on the corvette. The fighter squads zoomed towards the junkyard dog, and unleashed a furious hail of rail gun rounds at the Corvette. The X's of interceptors flew past the Corvette, and turned around for another strike. Pilots that passed by close to the corvette noticed that it suffered only miner dents in it's worn chassis. The Corvette opened up its two crab like claws, and clamped onto the support frigate. The support frigate was immobilized, and all computer systems were shut down.

Interceptors followed the corvette in hot pursuit, but the Corvette was faster than they thought. They pounded rail slug after rail slug at the corvette, but no harm was done. The Junkyard dog disappeared into a standing hyperspace gate, with the support frigate, and the support frigate was never heard of again.

Meanwhile, in Cooksdale, Rob and Robby was helping Dan's posse over the wall, by hoisting them up, while Bob sat on the top of the wooden wall, pulling each member of Dan's posse over. When all of Dan's posse were over, except for Rob, Robby and Bob, Rob hoisted Robby up, and Bob helped him up. Afterwards, Bob pulled Rob up, and they were both on the fence. Afterward, they got off the fence; Dan's entire posse was on the other side.

They readied their weapons, and held them in a semi-professional manner. They snuck through the heaps of derelict cars and scrap heaps, trying to locate a pink minivan. Suddenly, they heard a rifle fire. They looked at the top of the scrap heap, and noticed what they had not expected to be there. On top of a heap of crushed cars, there stood their nemesis in the salvage yard: White trash.

"Ged' off my car heap," the fat, balding, ugly redneck, clad in torn jeans and a white wife-beater stained with god knows what, said, before cycling the round in his Daisy air rifle. Dan's posse pointed their assortment of automatic BB weapons at the white trash, and fired off a few warning shots. The balding redneck fired off another badly placed shot. Dan's posse retaliated with a hailstorm of BB rounds from their automatic weapons, and gave the redneck a bruising beyond a lifetime.

Dan's group took cover in between two derelict cars, and surveyed the situation. They heard slurred grammar and hick accents, and saw silhouettes of fat men in poor attire. They knew that there was much to battle through, but the hicks were the least of their troubles.

They heard a low, gruff growl. All of them looked in the direction of the growl, and clearly saw what was ether a monstrously huge dog or Will Sasso. They saw the enormous creature, monotonously lumber towards them, each paw step made a heavy sound on the soft, muddy ground.

"Okay, guys," Dan said, "on my count, we all get out, and open fire on it, while two groups of three each flank the thing.

"Three, two…"

The tension grew in the group as they mentally prepaired themselves for the task at hand.

"…One!"

They sprang out from the cars, and began to fire a furious hail of bullets at the monstrosity of a Rot Wilier, while two groups of three flanked the dog on the left and right, just how Dan planned it.

The dog at first, was hurt by the oncoming of BB rounds, but soon, became angered, as pellet after pellet dug into the skin of this huge creature, and that was about it.

It lashed out angrily, like a certain unnamed Attorney General does towards video games when another angry kid who snaps is mentioned in the paper. No longer does that Monstrous Dog wish to put up with it's near demise, just like the unnamed Attorney General doesn't want to put up with "Mario Teaches Math," corrupting out precious youth.

It swung a large, powerful paw at one group of flankers, making that group jump back in fear, than continue firing. The Dog nearly roared out in pain, so it jumped onto Roberto, and bit onto his leg. Roberto screamed in pain as the huge, viscous, angry animal dragged Roberto into a huge, gaping hole in the ground, big enough accommodate the dog.

"50% off at Sears!" Roberto yelled, as he was dragged into the hole, meeting his demise. His last words, later, went on his gravestone, and the Sears Company paid the graveyard that Roberto was buried at in advertising revenue.

Dan's posse ran for dear life, as Roberto was dragged off, to never return. They ran around the corner of a scrap heap, and panted, thinking that they escaped, and decided to take a breather.

Edward looked up, and tapped Dan on the shoulder. Dan looked at Edward, and Edward pointed in front of him. Dan looked in front, and saw three White Trash rednecks standing in front of them, chewing on tobacco, and holding air rifles, with evil grins on their faces. Dan's posse raised their weapons, and opened fire on the Rednecks, making them keel to the ground, in the fetal position, wailing in pain. But the growling of the Junkyard Dog followed the wails of the White Trash. Dan's posse made a beeline for another scrap heap, and tried to find something they could use against the dog.

Dan's posse quickly began to scrounge, until they were confronted by two more members of the White Trash brigade.

They looked over at the fat, dirtily clothed rednecks, and saw that they were packing serious heat. One had a sawed-off shotgun, and another had a double barreled shotgun. Quickly, Dan's entire posse began to pelt them with a hailstorm of BB rounds, causing an ecstasy of pain for both of the rednecks. Before they could regain their composure, the rednecks noticed that their firearms were snagged. Even worse, for them, their own shotguns were being pointed at them. The hicks got up, and painfully limped away, in complete fear.

"I've found something" Brandon announced, pointing towards a bear trap, which didn't look all that bad or damaged.

"Alright, guys," Dan said, "group huddle."

Dan's posse huddled together, and Dan began to explain his plan.

"Alright, here's what we do," Dan started, "we set up the trap, and lour the junkyard dog to it, than we use the shotguns to kill it."

"All we need is bait," Edward said.

"What are we going to use for bate," Sean asked.

Suddenly, they heard the faint sound of music, which sounds like the pop crap that could only be produced in the 21st century. They faintly heard lyrics to song, which sounded like a female singer, making it all that worse. Unless, of course, it was Destiny's Child.

Dan slowly walked towards it, with his combat boots making squishing sounds in the mud.

He looked at a left over bottle in a scrap heap, and it looked like there was a music video contained inside of it. The others walked over to it, and gathered around it, in a semi circle. Dan picked up the bottle, and saw that inside it, a music video for Christina Aguillera was contained inside.

Christina Aguillera: If you want to be with me,

I can make your wish come true,

I'm a Genie in a bottle,

Gotta like what you do.

Dan held the bottle by the neck, and held it behind his head, than swung the bottle towards a derelict car, making it shatter, and Christina suddenly appear.

"Ow, you snotty little bitch," Christina said, hurt from being suddenly decompressed, "what in the hell was that for."

Dan raised his hand, and snapped his fingers. Suddenly, Christina was held down, and hog-tied with a godless amount of industrial strength packing tape.

"She'll be perfect bate for the dog," David said, "That dog will probably eat her. I know I would."

Dan looked at David, and gave him a quick smack, for the sake of smacking him.

Robert took control of the situation, holding the hog-tied Christina in his arms, preparing to plant her as bate on the trap. He didn't have to worry about her triggering the trap, her anorexia already took care of the problem.

"Now," Robert said, lowering her on the trap, "When the dog comes and eats Christina alive, you … Oh shit!"

Suddenly, the Junkyard dog leaped off a scrap heap, and charged towards the group. Robert panicked, and his initial reaction was to run. However, in the spur of the moment, he threw Christina at the dog. As Christina flew towards the dog, her sticking out pelvic bone tore open the Dog's head, making the huge monster's body slump over lifelessly.

Christina squirmed and tried to yell through the packing tape, but Dan's posse had other plans. David walked over, and was about to assist Christina in her perdiciment, but he glanced up for a second, and saw a hot pink minivan.

"Hey guys," he yelled, completely ignoring Christina, "I found the minivan."

They all charged towards the minivan, and opened the sliding door. On the seat, they saw a Police scanner. Dan grabbed it, and listened to it.

"Attention all units," the scanner announced, "set up roadblocks around the town. They will be announced in about the same amount of time it would take for a bunch of people armed with Airsoft guns to climb over scrap cars to get over a wall and run back to their RV and take out a map and write all the streets down that will be blocked."

Dan's posse they had no time to loose, so they quickly scrambled up a pile of scraped cars, which were stacked against the wall. As each member of Dan's posse reached the top of the car heap, they jumped off the heap, and over the wall. In a line, they began charging towards the RV, and wasted no time in getting out a map to mark down all the blocked streets.

As the radio announced each street, they used a felt marker to mark the middle of the announced street with a short line that was perpendicular to the direction of the street.

"The last street to be blocked is the Bridge of Sighs, and make sure the bridge has the weakest roadblock, for God's sake."

They looked at the map, and noticed that nearly every roadblock blocked every possible entrance to Cooksdale high. Dan took out a pencil, and circled the one that was on the Bridge of Sighs.

"Patching into command network now," Elson said, as he delivered a few e-mails on his cell phone. "Le résistance has been informed of your actions and are preparing the ass kickings. You have our thanks. Farewell."

He waved, and scooted out of the RV, and ran off towards the suburbs again.

Bobby started up the RV, and began to drive off, towards the Bridge of Sighs. To this day, nobody knows why the Cooksdale Municipal hall calls one of it's bridges the "Bridge of Sighs."